Another day another roller coaster of emotion.
Very rocky start this morning, lots of hurt and anger not to mention the seemingly endless supply of tears that seem to flow.
We had a crazy night last night. The framer and electrician were there when Miss K and I arrived home. That went well, but left us having a later supper and with a big list of supplies that we needed to get by Wednesday.
Big C asked right away though after they left how my day was. I said pretty up and down, he said he was the same and it was reflected in his golf game.
We ate and then headed off to the local big box home improvement store which is now Miss K's favourite place due to the driving carts. Oh well whatever spins your wheels right?
On the way over we both commented on the crazy change of events in our evening. I said that the saying goes that "god only gives you what you can handle" and that I'd had just about enough.
Big C agreed fully and we actually held hands for awhile in the truck. There was a big hug last night before bed and that was nice too.
That big weight was lifted and we're both trying to work toward the same goal. Miss K is motivation enough, I cannot have our life be a statistic, and her living with only one of us if I can help it.
This morning though I was frustrated and hurt all over again. Asking questions, like why did Big C shut me out so long. Why couldn't he confide in me before now. Why did he push me away when I did try to ask? Why could he talk to someone else about us, but not to me?
I was also pissed at myself. I should have asked/pushed more when I did see something was wrong. Why did I fail him in that department, why didn't I push instead of passing it off for something else? Why didn't I help him out so he wasn't so tormented and stressed?
Yup, lots of frustration, bitterness and sadness today, but working through day by day.
Big C got the official word today that he's taking on a provincial coordinator role for 3 months or so. It sucks because he's not going to be around as much, but good for him and a new challenge too.
Struggling at times to be optimistic, keep seeing the worst case scenario, but knowing that we promised each other that we'd try and that we will
Til next time…hope your day hasn't been a roller coaster...
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