Stress visits

Well, it's been awhile. Haven't been tremendously busy, but not home much either these days. 

We were on a vacation for a little bit. Got the pup to his spa/dog camp for 4 nights, he made some new dog friends and got tired out. We went skiing with Miss K for the first time. I think she liked it, at least I hope so. Getting out there again made me yearn for the slopes and snow a little.

I wanted a beach/pool/fruity drink vacation, but it was not to be, this year it was snow/skis and swimming instead. Hey, a vacation is a vacation.

Speaking of vacation and stress relief do you ever find you have visitors to your home and it leaves you feeling more stressed than glad they came?

I've got that very problem. Some people just come and stir up your life so much that you are thankful that they're leaving, not so much that they came.

Some folks come into your house and it instantly feels like they are a part of it right from the moment they step through the door. Others tend to wreak havoc on everything and anything and you dread the chaos that ensues.

Case in point would be my dad. Love him to death, he's a great grandpa to Miss K and she has a good time with him. But there is something about their visits that leave me feeling like I want them to leave and/or not to come again anytime soon.

It's sad, really sad. I want Miss K to know her grandpa. He's a fun guy, lots to offer and lots to share. But, it's so stressing to have them come visit, everything just descends into mayhem.

I understand he and his wife want to have fun and tease Miss K. That's grandparents for you. I get that they don't want too many rules or structure. I know they want to be the "fun" grandparents.

But, it gets carried away. And they seem like outsiders. It seems like they look at us and how we run our household as being ludicrous.  That rules are silly and discipline a thing that should be ignored.

The last visit was a mess. It is always chaos around meal time. Always, Fridays are no exception and they arrived just at our meal time (they were invited for supper) and the dog feeding time etc… Big C wasn't quite done an emergency request from work and so on and so on. So, it didn't start out on a good note, but all was fairly typical till near the end.

It was getting near bed time and we request that Miss K kind of chill out. Not sit on the couch and vegetate by any means but start winding down. This is tempered a bit when we have visitors but its still "chill" time. 

But not that night. Every time we told her to tone it down, the grandparents made a big fuss and wound her up even more. Can you not hear what we're saying? We need her to be quiet or at least calm, not all worked up because then bed time is a battle that you aren't going to be around to witness.

Yup, it's fun to play and have fun. But there are limits and they don't seem to get that. My dad's wife grew up in a very strict household and I think her approach is the exact opposite. Rules, schmules, she doesn't care, she's going to do whatever it most fun and carefree. Leave the parents to deal with the fall out, I'm going home.

I get so frustrated trying to control my kid, yet let her have fun with her grandparents. When they don't get the hint or understand why we have the rules we do it's even worse.

The dog is still a puppy and we have some pretty firm rules for him too. No biting and no jumping up on people are the 2 biggest ones. No exceptions!

They think its cute when he's all excited and jumps up on them. It ain't gonna be so funny when he's 80 pounds and jumps up on you now is it? We cannot, absolutely cannot have him jump on anyone, as it is now he can take out Miss K pretty easily.

But they don't seem to get it. They're upset when we give his ear a pull for bad behaviour and he yelps. They think we're cruel and mean. 

Last visit the dog out and out bit Big C. They had been playing previously but Big C stopped and took the dogs toy away because it was wind down time for Miss K. The dog being a puppy and ticked that play time was over, bit his hand. Not enough to draw blood but close. 

This is a huge, unforgivable no no. If you are screwing around and he nips you, that is one thing, you're playing, but an out of context bite because you're not getting what you want. No way in hell is that going to happen.

So, if you are a dog in our house you get a big ear pull and get sent to your pillow for a time out so to speak. Effective for the most part, but not understood by some visitors.

We are stopping bad behaviour before it becomes a habit. Put an end to unfavourable behaviour right from the get go. If you wait till they're two years old its going to be too late.

But we're seen as being mean and hurtful and beating up on the dog. 

The day I ever abuse a dog, is the day I stop crying at those awful humane society commercials on tv. I can't even bear 15 seconds of those.

As one fellow that we train with always says, the good lord gave a dog 2 ears for a reason, give em a pull, you'll get a reaction and chances are you'll stop the one that you didn't want to occur.

One day I hope they get it. One day I hope they understand our household rules are for a better purpose. That we encourage good behaviour, so as to enhance everyone's life for the better.

It's not to control, or punish or be an enforcer. But to set boundaries and establish a clear definition for acceptable behaviour. 

We just need to get some of our guests to see the light and follow the rules too.

Til next time, stick to your rules

My addiction

I don't think I've mentioned this on here before. I've got an addiction problem. It's kind of severe, but its intermittent so I don't think I need a 12 step program.

I'm an olympics junkie

Love it. I mean seriously love it. Winter olympics more so than the summer games but doesn't really matter.

Just dig the whole thing, from opening ceremony right thru to the compilation video clips and the closing shindig.

It is cool. There are lots of olympic haters out there, but I still love 'em.

It's on the bucket list to do, attend an Olympic event someday.

I could almost watch it all day long. I like to see all the sports that you don't typically get to see on TV, unless you really search for them on weekend afternoons.

Currently the winter Olympics are in Russia and I'm watching as much as I can, even with the time difference and the fact that I have to work for a living.

Sure I'm as patriotic as they come, and I love to see Canada do well. Any time we can beat our neighbours to the south, the good old USA I love it. 

Nothing personal towards any American, but when a nation is a tenth of your size and we hand you your ass on a plate so to speak in many events I like it.

Same as I like that Norway and the Netherlands kick butt too. Tiny nations that beat up on super size countries like the US and China. It is very cool.

But not only do I cheer for my home country, I will cheer for anyone out there. It might be an American, it might be a Russian trying to win in their home country this year, it might be somebody from South Korea. 

I like a good underdog story and I like the defending champions. 

I love the olympics. No questions asked, I think it is just cool that all these nations get together and compete for all the world to see.

It's my crack, my cocaine, my drug of choice.

I'm hooked right from the first firework in the opening ceremony thru to the final goodbye's after all the games are done.

The thrill of victory, agony of defeat, cool clothes, cool parties, awesome athletes from the very young to the more senior set doing what they love to do at the highest level.

I'm still divided on the whole professional athletes being allowed to compete, but tell me if you'd be as excited to see the nations top amateurs in sports such as hockey and basketball?

That being said professional baseball players aren't involved in the olympics, nor are football players. Not that there is American football in the olympics, and some of them end up being on bobsled teams.

I dunno, that is too deep a debate for me. I just want to see all the cool events. 

I want to hear the back story of how that person came to be an olympian. 

It mimics life on a smaller scale. Some born of poverty and others of privilege and they all end up in the same arena. Some will triumph and some will fail pretty miserably.

The olympics was never in my future. I could play most sports pretty well, but never had a gift for one particular one or the grit/determination to pursue one so doggedly that I would even get close to an olympic trial let alone be an olympian.

I don't live vicariously through these people. I'm not that type. 

I just love the competition, the excitement of it all. That one race, one game, one day, one chance to become an olympic champion.

Most of us will never experience it, but for a couple weeks every so often I get to cheer on those lucky enough to be there

Til next time…go Canada go!!

Grandparent trap

I've gone crazy with the posts this week. Well not crazy maybe, but 2 posts in one day is a little overboard don't you think?

I've had it. I've had it with the perpetual pissing contest. I'm tired and worn out and quite honestly fed up with the shenanigans.

What am I talking about? Sadly, it's my dad and his wife.

He is a great guy, a very young almost 73, that has always been a good dad, but has this way of being able to piss me off in about .5 seconds flat with his whiny, I'm acting like a second grader, it's not fair attitude.

Last night he came for supper. His wife was away on her annual ski trip and Big C was away for work. I thought, hey, this will be cool, we can get together for supper and hang out for a bit.

All was pretty good, its the usual chaos at supper with a hungry dog and a tired kid and a million things to do, including talking to Big C via Skype before dinner was served.

But it went OK. Miss K was in a mood, a cranky, I'm not doing one damn thing you are asking mood, and had an attitude the size of an elephant, but it was ok.

There were a couple of funny statements made but I passed them off at the time, now it makes sense to me after an email I received today.

And that email pissed me off. My dad would like his name dropped from what Miss K calls him. He wants to be referred to as only Grandpa and not Grandpa (his name).

He says that my mom is not Grandma (her name) so why should he be Grandpa (his name)?

Seriously?? This is the shit you think about on the way home? We use people's names after the familiar Grandma or Grandpa for clarity when we're referring to people in our family or friends etc… It keeps it clear for Miss K and for us when she's talking about people.

I get Poppa (Big C's dad) and Papa (our sitter's father in law) mixed up all the time, it just avoids confusion.

But he feels slighted because my mom usually just gets Grandma and he's tagged with his first name after Grandpa.

Holee-e shit, are you kidding me? Get over yourself! Who in the hell cares? This is not a popularity contest or a which Grandpa is better than another.

I'm thrilled that my kid has multiple grandma's, grandpa's, papa's, oma's or whatever in her life.

To add to it he adds that Grandma (his wife's first name) often doesn't get mentioned very much. You have got to be kidding. 

First off, he visits twice as often as the two of them do. She has about as much grandmotherly instinct as she does motherly instinct, which is next to nothing.

She's a great person and we love her to death, but grandma just doesn't come to mind when I think of her. That's what we call her, but that is not how I think of her.

And does it really matter? Hmmm, let me think about that? No. It doesn't. Miss K is thrilled to see you and if she insists on calling you Jack and Diane, what the hell does it matter?

I give up. I've reached the end of my rope. I'm tired of the whining, the woe is me crap that goes on with them.

It's always a contest of who visited who more, or who did what with Miss K or god only knows its always a game of one upmanship and it drives me crazy.

It's the moaning about that we never come to visit when we're in town or we don't come often enough. 

First, we have a kid and a dog, you are 2 people who can come and go at will because you are retired. Come and see us, its a helluva lot easier.

Second, if you want a bunch of kids and grandkids who come over every Sunday and have the F#$%ing Hallmark Sunday dinner, look elsewhere. That is not us and will never be.

Third, just because I saw my mom 3 times in the last 2 months does not mean I owe you the same number of visits in the next 2 months to even the score.

I'm going to blow up one of these days. I'm so sick of the snide little comments, the pointed arrows, subtly delivered but meant as barbs to stick in.

"Oh here's some stuff we bought for Miss K to use when you came over to swim in the pool, but you never did and now we've sold the house, so maybe you can use it?

"Oh we figured we'd buy a high chair or a play pen for Miss K when she came over to stay with us, but you'd never let her come and visit.

"I'm not sure what we have to do so that you will come and see us more"

"Well, I called but you weren't home, so I guess we couldn't come and visit"

It goes on and on. Sometimes snarky comments, sometimes the guilt trip to make you feel like a schmuck.

Thing is, I don't really. Words hurt, but the actions from them speak louder. 

Yup, they'd call to visit, but always at the last minute and they'd seem upset when we had plans or were out.

No, we have no intentions of leaving Miss K with them especially when she was young, they couldn't follow the simple instructions for her behaviour and our household rules when we were in the room, how were they going to be followed when we were gone?

Yes, grandparents have some leeway, that is part of being a grandparent, but when you can't trust them to even respect a bed time or nap time, no way in hell.

We wouldn't leave the dog with them, let alone our kid.

They're good people, well meaning, but they just don't get it, despite repeated attempts to illustrate the issues.

It goes back farther than just the grandkid issues, but that is another story.

They've got to realize, this isn't a contest with their friends about who sees and does the most with their grandkids. 

I don't give a shit if your friends see their grandkids twice a week and they get monthly sleepovers with the grandkids while the parents go out. This is not a frigging competition and you are not bad grandparents because you don't see your grandkid every week.

They've got to enjoy what they have…need to realize and savour the preciousness of the moments they do get and not focus on this piddly shit that just serves to piss me off and make me want to see them even less

Til next time…try to have patience with those who tick you off

The Day Care Dilemma

Oh the perils of day care. I remember the fear/panic/desperation when Miss K was fast approaching 1 year old and we were going to be back to the grind full time.

A colleague of mine is near crunch time on their search for appropriate care for their daughter and therein lies a lot of questions and brings back some not so pleasant memories.

Do you go back to work at all? Do you opt for licensed government run care? Do you rely on the help of family or friends? Do you try to find a home day care that will take your offspring? Do you leave them home with the family dog and hope they can both fend for themselves? I'm only half kidding about the last one…

It's a tough choice either way. Staying home is not an option for many. Most want and/or need the extra income. Some want to go back to work just to get away from the kid or kids for a few hours. In the case of having 3 or more kids staying home might be more financially responsible than going back to work due to the shear cost of it all. 

I knew from the get go that I would be going back to work. I knew that the things we wanted to do and experience in life would require a second income. I have a well paying job and it would more than offset the cost of child care. 

I needed the escape from bottles, diapers and constant talk with kids under 2. I needed adult conversation and a sense of self that I knew could not come from being at home.

Even if the means were there to stay at home, i think I would have placed Miss K in some sort of part time program for her sanity and mine. We have no family that is close by that Miss K could spend a lot of time with, we needed her to get out and get used to other people other than mom and dad, and I would have done it even if our lottery tickets came through and both myself and her dad would be home. I love her to death, but I cannot spend 24hrs a day, 7 days a week for years on end with her.

At first I was all for the day care centre. It seemed a good logical choice. It was open all the time, it didn't have issues with sick days, it was regulated, how could it be a bad place for my kid??

We toured the local centre and it was pretty good, but I wasn't terribly blown away. Adequate, learning based, good food, stable environment it had all that but lots of red flags were thrown up in my mind.

I didn't like the impersonal feel of it all. They had dedicated staff for each room but what if someone was sick or moved to another job within the building? The person your child had connected to, was now suddenly gone. Maybe it would build a sense of resilience in a kid, but I found it sad that the one person they might have gained some security from or attachment to could be gone at a moments notice.

The little kids didn't get to play with the big kids and vice versa. How is this helpful? How is my kid going to learn to play with all kids of all ages. Yes, it probably eliminates some unsavoury behaviours from developing at all stages by keeping kids in their own age groups, but at the same time how are they going to function in their personal lives when there's different age kids around? 

My personal feeling is that the older kids can learn from the young ones and the reverse is true too. Miss K's favourite buddy when she was 2 was a 6 year old boy and he loved playing with her too…go figure.

Back to licensed day care, why in the hell do we have to pay for stat holidays and days that the centre is closed? WTF? My kid is not there and you still expect me to fork over 50 bucks a day so you can stay home.

Ya, ya I get it, it's an employer/employee relationship and you'll ask if I expect to get paid for stat holidays and my vacation etc… Yup, I do, but I look at as you are providing a service to me, and if I don't require that service, I'm not paying you to go to the beach or skiing or whatever. i pay you handsomely when my kid is there, I'm not paying you when the centre is not even open to take my kid.

To me its like having a favourite restaurant and you go there every Friday for lunch, but twice a year they close on Friday's for inventory and they still send you a bill for lunch. That's total B.S., this is the same with day care centre's.

So, we ruled out the government controlled centre's pretty quickly. Then you're pretty much left with family or home sitters.

Well as mentioned, family was out of the question, so that meant a home day care.

That can be a scary process too. These places are not regulated and you can find all sorts of varieties of child care in the process.

Wonderful people that would be fabulous with your child but with a house that you would want to disinfect your kid every time they came home. There are those with kids of there own that they can't control, you could only imagine what adding  few more to the mix would bring. Those people with personal issues and circumstances that render them unsuitable to work with children on a day to day basis. There are some the have a lovely home and space for kids but on some level you just feel that they could possibly be psycho

Through much pain and agony we've ended up with 2 good people to take care of Miss K. We lost our first sitter in a series of unfortunate events, but ended up with another who treats our girl like family.

And maybe that is the bottom line of the day care dilemma. Where can you leave or take your kids that you feel they will be loved and treated like you would?

Maybe it is licensed facility, maybe its your neighbour, maybe your aunt, maybe someone you found online or through word of mouth.

it's whatever makes you comfortable both by giving you a warm fuzzy feeling and is comfortable on the pocketbook. It has to work for your kid and you too.

We got lucky. I think the home day care providers out there, and I mean the good ones, don't get enough credit. 

When we're home on weekends and Miss K mentions how much she misses the sitter and her friends there. Or funnier yet, calls me the sitter's name.

Two things happen. First, there is always the little pang of envy that your kid sometimes spends more time with these caregivers than you do and a little spark of anger that they called you someone else's name. 

But that is quickly replaced by the realization that they love the people they spend their day with. Your kid sees them as part of their world and their "family". That they are not trying to replace you, but see these other folks as an extension of family,  and you know deep down just how loved and cared for they are.

Those things make me happy. Yes some days it sucks being away from her for 8 hours, but I know both her and I are going to be better people for it.

On a lighter note, Miss K asked this morning if she could stay home with the dog instead of going to the sitter's. In some aspects it would work, they both nap, Miss K is big enough to open the door for the dog if he needs to pee. They like to play in the snow, what could go wrong? I asked her who would make her lunch, and her response was the dog could probably make her cheesy noodles. He's a pretty smart dog, but I'm thinking her 3 year old logic is flawed.

Til next time…I hope everyone has someone wonderful to care for their kids no matter how often or seldom that is