I've gone crazy with the posts this week. Well not crazy maybe, but 2 posts in one day is a little overboard don't you think?
I've had it. I've had it with the perpetual pissing contest. I'm tired and worn out and quite honestly fed up with the shenanigans.
What am I talking about? Sadly, it's my dad and his wife.
He is a great guy, a very young almost 73, that has always been a good dad, but has this way of being able to piss me off in about .5 seconds flat with his whiny, I'm acting like a second grader, it's not fair attitude.
Last night he came for supper. His wife was away on her annual ski trip and Big C was away for work. I thought, hey, this will be cool, we can get together for supper and hang out for a bit.
All was pretty good, its the usual chaos at supper with a hungry dog and a tired kid and a million things to do, including talking to Big C via Skype before dinner was served.
But it went OK. Miss K was in a mood, a cranky, I'm not doing one damn thing you are asking mood, and had an attitude the size of an elephant, but it was ok.
There were a couple of funny statements made but I passed them off at the time, now it makes sense to me after an email I received today.
And that email pissed me off. My dad would like his name dropped from what Miss K calls him. He wants to be referred to as only Grandpa and not Grandpa (his name).
He says that my mom is not Grandma (her name) so why should he be Grandpa (his name)?
Seriously?? This is the shit you think about on the way home? We use people's names after the familiar Grandma or Grandpa for clarity when we're referring to people in our family or friends etc… It keeps it clear for Miss K and for us when she's talking about people.
I get Poppa (Big C's dad) and Papa (our sitter's father in law) mixed up all the time, it just avoids confusion.
But he feels slighted because my mom usually just gets Grandma and he's tagged with his first name after Grandpa.
Holee-e shit, are you kidding me? Get over yourself! Who in the hell cares? This is not a popularity contest or a which Grandpa is better than another.
I'm thrilled that my kid has multiple grandma's, grandpa's, papa's, oma's or whatever in her life.
To add to it he adds that Grandma (his wife's first name) often doesn't get mentioned very much. You have got to be kidding.
First off, he visits twice as often as the two of them do. She has about as much grandmotherly instinct as she does motherly instinct, which is next to nothing.
She's a great person and we love her to death, but grandma just doesn't come to mind when I think of her. That's what we call her, but that is not how I think of her.
And does it really matter? Hmmm, let me think about that? No. It doesn't. Miss K is thrilled to see you and if she insists on calling you Jack and Diane, what the hell does it matter?
I give up. I've reached the end of my rope. I'm tired of the whining, the woe is me crap that goes on with them.
It's always a contest of who visited who more, or who did what with Miss K or god only knows its always a game of one upmanship and it drives me crazy.
It's the moaning about that we never come to visit when we're in town or we don't come often enough.
First, we have a kid and a dog, you are 2 people who can come and go at will because you are retired. Come and see us, its a helluva lot easier.
Second, if you want a bunch of kids and grandkids who come over every Sunday and have the F#$%ing Hallmark Sunday dinner, look elsewhere. That is not us and will never be.
Third, just because I saw my mom 3 times in the last 2 months does not mean I owe you the same number of visits in the next 2 months to even the score.
I'm going to blow up one of these days. I'm so sick of the snide little comments, the pointed arrows, subtly delivered but meant as barbs to stick in.
"Oh here's some stuff we bought for Miss K to use when you came over to swim in the pool, but you never did and now we've sold the house, so maybe you can use it?
"Oh we figured we'd buy a high chair or a play pen for Miss K when she came over to stay with us, but you'd never let her come and visit.
"I'm not sure what we have to do so that you will come and see us more"
"Well, I called but you weren't home, so I guess we couldn't come and visit"
It goes on and on. Sometimes snarky comments, sometimes the guilt trip to make you feel like a schmuck.
Thing is, I don't really. Words hurt, but the actions from them speak louder.
Yup, they'd call to visit, but always at the last minute and they'd seem upset when we had plans or were out.
No, we have no intentions of leaving Miss K with them especially when she was young, they couldn't follow the simple instructions for her behaviour and our household rules when we were in the room, how were they going to be followed when we were gone?
Yes, grandparents have some leeway, that is part of being a grandparent, but when you can't trust them to even respect a bed time or nap time, no way in hell.
We wouldn't leave the dog with them, let alone our kid.
They're good people, well meaning, but they just don't get it, despite repeated attempts to illustrate the issues.
It goes back farther than just the grandkid issues, but that is another story.
They've got to realize, this isn't a contest with their friends about who sees and does the most with their grandkids.
I don't give a shit if your friends see their grandkids twice a week and they get monthly sleepovers with the grandkids while the parents go out. This is not a frigging competition and you are not bad grandparents because you don't see your grandkid every week.
They've got to enjoy what they have…need to realize and savour the preciousness of the moments they do get and not focus on this piddly shit that just serves to piss me off and make me want to see them even less
Til next time…try to have patience with those who tick you off
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