We have enough stuff

Today we move on to lighter topics. Of late it's been the stress and sadness surrounding the seizures of our fur kid and her subsequent euthanasia. My heart is still heavy with sadness, and will be for some time I think. I'm not going to be able to move on as fast as I thought I would. It's harder to let go, more difficult than I figured, there's not been a day that I haven't cried because I miss her. But, we will get through it, somehow someway.

Right now, my concern is that I hate May and June. There have been a lot of crappy things that happened in May and June, like the aforementioned death of my mud puppy. I also miscarried in May some years ago, lost my grandmother in June and a whole host of other things, but no my beef is with all the "occasions" in May/June.

There's Mother's day to kick it off, my birthday, 2 close friends birthdays, father's day, Miss K's birthday, sister in law's birthday, god son's birthday, step father's birthday, and lastly father in laws birthday. (Which technically is in July, but the 3rd, so close enough to all the other crap)

Why you ask would I complain about so many supposed joyous occasions at once? Should be a whole lotta partying going on right? Lots of fun and laughter etc… To some extent yes, but to another extent it just makes already busy months even more crazy.

Mother's day and my birthday fall within two weeks of one another. All is good on that front except there's always the request to come up with ideas for people to get me stuff. Gifts are not necessary people!! How many times do I have to say it?

I don't care about stuff. From time to time there may be a thing or two that I need, but   it's really tough coming up with that many ideas in a short amount of time. Miss K baked me a big cookie and made a card this year for mother's day, that's all I need. Same for me birthday, some acknowledgement that it is my birthday, a hug, kiss, maybe a card, some cake and I'm good to go.

But what I really hate is all the other birthdays and stuff. Yes, I like my kid's birthday because it usually means seeing all our friends and family and that is great. But it also means more stuff. Everyone wants to buy her "stuff", no one wants to give money for education funds (except my mom), they all want to buy her a toy. She does not need one more thing! She doesn't play with half the stuff she's got because everyone had to buy her "something" in the past. It drives me nuts!

Then there's the people that you have to buy for. We're doing pretty good cutting back but you still like to get a little something for everyone. Father's day is lots of fun, dad, step dad, father in law, all seniors that really don't need anything. Thankfully 2 of the 3 play golf so there's always a gift certificate for a round that is useful. 

There's cards and gifts and shipping to those who don't live close, or a scramble to get something early because someone is coming to visit and you want to avoid the postage, because that is just another expense. Where does it end?

I'm not saying get rid of gift giving, I think there's a lot of good intentions out there and well wishers. I just wish there wasn't such a focus on it. We get so wrapped up in what we are wrapping up that we really forget to celebrate the birthday/anniversary etc…

What good is rushing around to get a gift and it makes you so busy that you forget to call the person or even send a text message for their day. I'd rather have the phone call or a visit any day over someone being so stressed and busy getting me a gift that they forget the little stuff.

We need to take a step back and appreciate what you have in the people around you. By all means send a card or gift, but maybe take a better look around and say rather than putting time and effort into a gift(s), could I use that time to help someone out? Bring dinner for them? Take them to a movie? Call and just chat for half an hour? 

I guess maybe this comes back around full circle to missing my puppy dog. It's the shared experiences and laughter that you miss about people when they're gone, not the gifts they brought. That person/kid/animal brightens your life just by being there with you, not by what they spent on you.

Yup, it's not a new concept, a bit rose coloured glasses even for me, but maybe we should focus more on the things that matter in life, not so much on giving/having more stuff

Til next time...

The final retrieve

Friday we sent our Mudpuppy to live with God in heaven, she made her final retrieve and left us for a more peaceful life.

It's now Tuesday and I didn't think I would still hurt so much. I miss her terribly. Achingly, longingly wanting to just see her brown eyes and touch her soft ears one more time.

Rationally I know it's for the best. That there will be no more stress in our house worrying about when the next time the ugly seizure monster would rear it's head. No more concern about how she was feeling or if recovery would be full and complete. No more sleeping with one ear open for the yelp to indicate that a seizure was imminent. No more fear that one of the seizures might take her before we had a chance to say good bye.

In a logical sense it was the best we could have hoped for. She made a pretty good recovery from the last seizure and seemed back to her old happy self. We had a chance to prepare and say good bye. One of us could be there to hold her while she slipped away. Death was peaceful and calm surrounded by those she loved and who loved her, not a sudden departure due to the ravages of a seizure.

But on the emotional side, it's not fair. Our puppy dog taken from us too soon. She still had nearly half a life to live, so many more retrieves to make, so many more trials to run, so many more walks, scratches, kisses, naps etc.. .that she and we missed out on.

Every time we look around or do something it reminds us of her. Leaving the house, coming home, meal times, morning and night time, all empty somehow because she's no longer there.

Some people have a dog/cat/bird for companionship or to complete their household. It just fits in, but for many it is just a cat, dog or whatever. They don't understand the commitment to training, the scheduling of training days and trials. The bond built while in the field or at the marsh waiting for waterfowl on a cold winter's day. In many senses she was a working dog,  not quite in the same way a police dog or guide dog works but still working. Our social life was largely based on being with dog people or training/hunting partners, and that world has been shattered.

I said to Big C over the weekend that I wished we'd been able to get another dog before our Mudpuppy had to go. It would have lessened the pain, kept the routine similar and the house wouldn't have seemed so empty. But it was not to be, we figured we had another year or two before we had to even consider putting her into semi-retirement. 

Funny how life changes things for you isn't it? I just miss her so, so much. Miss K I think gets it. She knows that our dog is not going to come home any more. In many ways she seems oblivious, until all of a sudden she says how much she misses her being there. Adding more heartbreak to an already broken heart.

You try to stay strong and remember all the things that she did to make you happy, but those memories are so bittersweet because you know you will never do any of them again.

Sure there will be other dogs, I can't see us going for too long without one in the house, but it will never be the same. She was our first and for that a uniqueness that no other dog will ever know. A standard all others will be compared to.

Oh, puppy dog, I miss you so much. 

Your snoring, your big sighs when things weren't going the way you thought they should, all of them gone. 

I miss your nudges at the side of the bed when you wanted out, or thought it was time for breakfast or even just to say hello. 

I miss your waggy tail, your exuberance when we'd come home, even if we'd only been gone an hour. 

I miss your need or want to be a 75lb lap dog whenever I would sit on the floor. 

I miss seeing you on your pillow, stretched out by the fire, warming your butt. 

I realize we may never have another dog that doesn't bark, you'd try it out now and again just to make sure you could. 

I miss your muddy footprints, wet belly, hair everywhere. 

I miss your drool on the floor when we were cutting up cheese and you thought you needed some.

I miss your final trick of figuring out how to get out of your kennel during the day when we were at work 

I miss you every waking moment, but I know it all is for the best.

To all those with fur friends out there, give them an extra hug today for me. You wonder why you keep signing on for the heartbreak that follows their too short lives, but they give back so much more than you could ever give them, it makes the choice obvious

Love you Mudpuppy…till we meet again