There is something that has been bugging me for a long time now. I'm not even sure if I will end up posting this, but perhaps there are others of you in the same situation and will feel my frustration.
I work full time. My husband works full time. I need to have a job to keep my sanity. I could argue that we don't need two pay cheques to make a go of things in this world, but it makes things easier. We have all medical expenses such as prescriptions, dentist and eye wear covered. We both have pension plans so that we have a nest egg come retirement time. Two incomes lets us put away some money for our kid's education down the road should she choose to go that route. And did I mention needing something to do with my day?
It's a choice not everyone can make or wants to make or whatever. When I had Miss K there was never a question that I would stay home with her forever, I was going back to work. I like my job, like the people I work with and feel overall that it makes our family better having that extra income as well as a mom that isn't going stir crazy being home all day.
Big C is the same, I know he likes to work and likes the extra's it affords us.
But there are drawbacks. It does mean our time with Miss K is limited. Now that she is a full time school kid, we aren't missing as much, but I figure we are with her just about 20 waking hours for Monday through Friday. That works out to about 1 hour in the morning and about 3 in the evening.
I miss her. Do I wish I could spend more time with her? Yes and no. With it being summer there are days that I wish we could just hang in our pi's and kick back for the morning and then see what the day brings, but I've chosen to work for my living and I am ok with that.
It gives me some adult interaction and a chance to make a contribution to the world doing something I enjoy. It gives her a chance to interact with other kids and gain some independence from us too. We have a great sitter and to be perfectly honest its like taking her to her second home.
Our weekends are enjoyed because we can all spend time together, even the dog. It perhaps sounds selfish, but we don't like to visit or plan a lot of get togethers because we enjoy one another's company.
And this is where the problem begins.
There is one member of the extended family that complains about this…a LOT.
I won't name names, but lets just say that they are not part of the group that lives a long ways away from us.
I suspect some of it stems from friends of theirs that spend lots of time with their offspring and grandkids. A "competition" of sorts to see who did the coolest thing with their grandson or granddaughter.
It's not that we limit visits or shun them. They are always welcome to stop by and see Miss K, and have been since day one. There is no animosity or hidden family rift, just a lot of complaining that they don't get to see or do whatever with Miss K enough.
I note, that they are the only ones to whine about this.
Why can't we do this, we'd like to do that, when can we have her over. Don't you guys want to go out?
It's frustrating, because I do see their point. It would be nice to have us over for dinner, nice to take Miss K places, nice to do a lot of things, but they don't seem grateful for what they do get to do. it's wanting to do more because everyone else is.
I know that isn't the only reason, but I'm quite sure everyone else in our lives would like to do these things with Miss K as well as ourselves.
They act like they are being left out of everything, but they get the same invitations as everyone else. And no they are not our preferred sitters of choice when we do go out. For one, they cannot take our dog, and sometimes he needs to go somewhere too. They have a tendency to ignore us when we ask them to stop doing something with Miss K or the dog. Not abiding rules of the house is a sure way to fall out of favour with us quickly.
Even when we do come over it is the off hand comments of having something months ago but we didn't come and visit so we never got to use it. Or expecting that things are going to play out a certain way, forgetting that they're dealing with a kid and it life unfolds by the minute and you better be prepared for the next one because it may be completely different than the one preceding it
But in all honesty, we don't pawn Miss K off too much. Should we do so more often? Perhaps.
But we like our time. I know this is our only kid that we're going to have, for sure for sure. I'm no spring chicken and neither is Big C, so time spent with Miss K is precious.
I'm going to say straight out, I'm going to be selfish and take all the time I can with this kid, and sorry to everyone else, but that is the way its going to be.
Too soon, she's going to not want to be with us and spend time with her friends. Or have other interests/hobbies that cuts into our time and I see and realize that.
There are people out there that will say that these people deserve time with her too, and I agree, but just realize that you are most likely going to have to share it with us too.
Don't force your agenda on me and my family. I'm standing up for it. I want to spend time with my kid, I'm sorry that you feel left out, but for once in my life I'm putting myself and my needs first and this is what I want for me.
No, we are not going to be an over at the in-laws every week for supper or take big family vacations kind of people. It's not going to happen and wishing it will be so isn't going to make it true. And complaining and whining about it certainly isn't going to help your case.
Be grateful for the opportunity's that you do have and stop harassing us for things you think you should have.
On a lighter note, Big C and I do have a bit of time this weekend to ourselves, hopefully get in some golf and some R&R without the presence of the chatty one
Til next time…stand up for what you believe is right for your family, don't be bullied into what someone else thinks is the status quo...
