It seems like forever since I last wrote a blog post. I know I had one started and didn't finish it for one reason or another. Life is like that in some ways, too many things started, not enough finished.
Spring has sprung here. In the form of an inch of snow on the ground this morning when we got up. I call bullshit on mother nature, she is one cruel and tricky lady. Last weekend was gorgeous for the most part especially Saturday, no jacket required if you know what I mean and 4 days later white shit floating from the sky.
Oh well, you can't control the weather. It will get better, as everyone says in about 3 weeks it will be so warm we'll all have the A/C on
We're about the same on the home front. Enjoying the new place more now that it is not under renovation and we have more of the sense that it feels like home. Hard to believe that a year ago at this time we were living under "show" conditions and were needing to keep everything clean and tidy to sell our old place. Weird how a year can just slip by almost unnoticed with a ton of changes in the process.
Miss K and I had it out last night. I couldn't take it anymore. I am so sick of the whining and complaining and crying about anything and everything that I snapped.
I'd been doing pretty good with not yelling and keeping my temper in check and treating her outbursts with kindness and compassion, but I couldn't do it last night. I cracked and cracked big time.
We've all been getting better in the sleep department and Miss K is having much better nights so that helps us all out. So I know her being overtired was not really the issue, but she was having a night.
Big C was away on business and I picked her up from the sitter as usual. She was in a great mood chattering and talking away about her day. We had a nice chat about things on the drive and even when we got home things were still good. I got around to starting supper and that is when things started to derail.
Miss K is dramatic and emotional, and that is ok, it comes when parenting a girl I think. She is a smart, clever and quick witted child so that is why the whining bothers me so.
She's lost her glue stick, it's not anywhere, I can't find it, I can't finish my craft, on and on at a pitch only most dogs can hear. Then she didn't cut a circle out the right size, or it looked like a heart instead or something of that nature. Then there was no pink paper, and the orange paper wasn't tearing out of her book right it went on and on ad infinitum.
I don't care if she asks for help, does it get annoying? Yes. but it beats the whining and crying all to hell.
After about 20 minutes of meltdown after meltdown I told her to either stop making what she was making or figure it out herself, if you don't have something you want, figure out something else you can use…pretty simple. She sat for a moment and had a good sulk and came back with a better attitude and made some pretty awesome "earths" for earth day.
We had a great evening and she was very helpful and pleasant over all. Getting ready for bed went smoothly and she was chatty with Big C when we called him before bed. We read some prayers from her prayer book and got her snuggled in with her stuffed friends in bed.
Then the snivelling started. I took a couple deep breaths and told her that she was going to be fine, the lights were on, under the bed was clear, she had her friends, I was downstairs, we would keep each other from being alone, as Big C was the one that was truly alone on this night etc…
Lots more time and lots more hugs and kisses and general stroking of her ego and I left. I had not hit the bottom of the stairs and the crying started.
That was the final straw, it broke this mama camel's back. I am tired of the general lack of wanting to "try" anything, it's just the automated response of "I can't" from her. You can poke, prod, cajole, encourage all you want but this is what she comes back with.
And don't start in how she needs encouragement and we should foster a sense of independence etc… I can write you a list as long as my arm at all the things she does and is brave enough to do that at almost 5 are quite impressive.
It's not a cry for attention, it's not anything I'm sure than just being almost 5, but I can't take it any more. Don't be duplicitous around me, don't get ready for the day, pack your back pack, let the dog in and get him in his crate with cookies, get your coat and shoes on and be standing at the door ready one day and tell me the next you cannot put your milk back in the fridge. I'm not buying that box of cookies from you there girl scout.
I hit the bottom of the stairs and the waterworks started, so I counted to 10 and went and let the dog outside. Sometimes the whining stops and she falls asleep, but no it was escalating. I yelled up the stairs to cut it out and it got worse. I was done, just done with all her crap.
I yelled at her, a lot. I didn't call her out and swear and say she was stupid or cut her down or anything, but it was loud and long.
I told her to cut the crap basically, if there was nothing wrong and she couldn't tell us anything was wrong than stop, stop whining, stop crying, stop generally being douchey. That's all, that this carrying on was all bullshit (not using that term exactly) and there is no way that I can help you if this is what your response to everything is. I said I didn't know what else to do, that I was out of options, being nice and supportive and so on didn't seem to work so what exactly was the problem.
Of course all the yelling just made her cry harder, and she was fearful that I was going to close her door and that is a fate worse than death for her.
I wouldn't, I'm very mindful of empty threats around her these days, but after the tears had calmed down we had a chat and agreed on a few things
I told her I would try not to yell as she said it was scary. I would not close her door in her room ever and that all crappy behaviour on her part and mine was in the past and thus done and over with and could be forgotten.
She agreed that she'd try to do what we asked, as in what she does most other nights but for some reason cannot manage to do on a consistent basis. She agreed that she would try to figure things out for herself as much as she could and understood that mom and dad were there to help but could not prevent all failures and she'd have to deal with that too.
I knew even as I was doing it that yelling was wrong. But as I told her I didn't know what else to do. We've tried the punishment route, i.e. taking things away for bad behaviour and the reward route of encouraging good behaviour but neither seem to stick no matter how long we carry them out.
I know last night wasn't the answer, but perhaps it just shocked her enough that she gets it, that I/we really are there to help, but not to shelter her from life. She is a great kid and we tell her that often, and honestly she doesn't seem all that insecure, but the break downs about meaningless things have to stop or I'm going to the loony bin on an express bus.
She was a happy go lucky kid again this morning, and we'll see tonight how things go…maybe we're turning over a new leaf, lets hope for all our sakes its one of warmth and happiness
For now I've told her how grateful I am for her everyday and that she fills my "bucket" with lots of wonderful things and that she should be proud of all the things that she can do and is good at.
Maybe its the only child syndrome of thinking she has to be good at everything, but we can only hope for more peace and less whining at our house
Til next time…give those little people a hug in your life, lord knows they deserve it, even the whiny ones
