Being involved with each other

One month ago it was Christmas day, which means we are nearing the end of January already. I'm pretty sure it was just a few days ago that we were having mimosa's to usher in the new year and in another week it will be February.

It's pretty mild for the end of January too. In the positives today and some other points during the week. Rain tomorrow, which at this stage I really do wish was snow. I'm not one for the cold, but I do miss the snow. We're never going to be able to teach Miss K to ski if we never have any snow.

Speaking of snow, there was just a big Nor'Easter that blew up the Atlantic Coast of the good ol US of A. Some record snowfall amounts for sure in those parts, but as one comment said, if you are from certain parts of Canada, you just call it "Tuesday". It's only news when its something that doesn't happen in those parts very often. You just don't see huge weather head lines when Northern Ontario gets hit with 45 cm of snow. New York City yes, Timmins not so much.

Our lives have been quiet for the most part. Big C travelling a lot lately and in the next bit for work which kind of sucks, but we do have our weekends and they've been super lately.

I'm not even sure what makes them so super. We haven't done much exciting, and I don't seem to be any more caught up on housework than I usually am, but they've been good. Relaxing, enjoyable and fun, the way a weekend should be for everyone.

Perhaps its because the rush before Christmas is gone. Evenings are not filled with wrapping presents, or baking, shopping, decorating, and doing all the other things you feel you need to do. When lunches are made and dishes done, you can go and sit down and read a book or veg in front of the TV for an hour and not feel like you should be doing something else. There isn't 100 weekend commitments and the need to attend at least 95 of them.

I'm not sure. Maybe its good quality family time that is doing it? Maybe I'm just more relaxed or organized or both. 

It is nice to look forward to a weekend as time spent doing both chores and enjoyable things without dreading how you are going to cram everything in or get to all your obligations.

I wonder sometimes if we should be doing more, involved in more things or have Miss K signed up for more activity with her peers. Are Big C and I social enough? Is Miss K getting to do all the things she'd like to?

I think the answer is yes. Miss K is in swimming lessons right now. She's not overly thrilled by the process, but its a life skill and that is the only thing we will insist she do as far as lessons go. There has been talk of some sort of dance, but as of yet I cannot find much that is not a 6 month commitment not to mention 100's of dollars. 

Yesterday morning Big C pulled out the Scrabble board and we sat down and had a game, Miss K just wanted to play. I sat there at one point contemplating what to do with my letter Q, that had no "U" to go with it and thought, this is good. I really like this, warm cozy on a winter's morning, with the people I love and enjoying one another's company. I don't think any game, match, recital or whatever could make me personally much happier.

I think that is the key, finding what works for you. I realize of course the more kids you have the more weekends can get complicated, but do they need to be is the question? Are you and your kids really missing out on that much if they don't make every team or do everything their friends do?

Miss K just wanted to play by herself Sunday morning. Sure she pops by to show us what she's been making or asks for help when things are tricky, but she just wanted to play. Not on a computer, not on the iPad, not watch tv, not play a game, just play. And for that I'm happy, that she is content to do that without needing outside stimulation to accomplish the task.

Sometimes I think we structure too much in kids lives and they forget the magic of playing and being creative and coming up with something cool all on their own. 

Sure we can provide them cool things to do, but often its better to think of things yourself.

We took the dog out yesterday afternoon to do some longer retrieves. Miss K asked what she could do. We gave her a couple options to help us out, but in the end she resorted to making snow angels and rolling down the small hills in the snow. She was rosy cheeked and smiling after it all and it cost nothing, got her some exercise and fresh air and she thought of it all on her own.

That is pure heaven as far as I'm concerned. The magic of being a kid gets lost if you are always structured in your fun. Skate this way, twirl that way, wear this, wear that, line up over here, practice is at 3, too many rules and commitments takes the fun out of things.

I think that is why I've enjoyed the past few weekends so much, sure we've got swimming lessons at a set time, and there's errands to run, but overall they've been unstructured and commitment free and thus we're more free to do what we'd like to do.

Sure, I know some families would self implode if they were not at the hockey rink or baseball diamond or swimming pool every weekend and you have to do what works for you.

But if you're feeling run ragged on the weekend as well as during the week, maybe its time to stop and look around at how much you really need to be "involved" in activities and perhaps you need time to be involved with one another.

It's just a thought, until next time…take the time to see if you have enough time to enjoy life

Snow and finding "me" time

Winter is here. Or at least the snow is.

About 4 inches of the white stuff came down overnight. 

Miss K is delighted. She can finally play in the snow as she has been wanting to do since about 30 seconds after Halloween was over.

Today was even a snow day. So I hope she got out a lot to play in the snow. 

Mixed emotions on the snow day though as it was to be show and share day in her class which she loves a lot. However our sitter is usually game to roll with whatever cool thing was to happen at school and let the kids have their moment in the sun at her house, so that is always awesome.

Aside from that not much going on with us. Big C away tonight for work. He got the snow mostly cleared this morning so I'm hoping there is not much that I need to do tonight …if anything. Tricky to find time with dinner to make, dog to feed and exercise and try to spend some time with Miss K in addition to plowing snow? Not cool. Its fun, but when I can do so at a leisurely pace and not have to worry about getting inside or leaving the kiddies unsupervised.

I am thankful though, originally Big C was to be gone for the entire week, so I will count myself lucky that he was around to move snow this morning as it could have been me trying to figure out how to do that before work…lol

He is away all next week so I'm hoping for little snows all week long. No big ones, getting up at 5:30 is early enough, I don't need to get up at 5 am just to plow snow. (even if it is super fun to do with the 4 wheeler)

Life has returned to somewhat normal, or at least post Christmas normal. There are fewer things that need to be done so that leaves some more relaxing weeknights and weekends.

I've even had time to read lately which is a feat unto itself. 

I like to be busy. Probably too much for my own good, but I don't like to procrastinate too much or else there'd be laundry mountains, no dishes left to eat off of and everyone would be scrambling in the morning to find something to eat that day for lunch. If there is something I think I can do in a reasonable amount of time without sacrificing spending time with my family then I'm going to get it done. 

I sit down and read when I figure there are enough things done to keep our heads afloat in the chore department and have determined that the other things out there can indeed wait until another day.

So, if I've had time to read lately you know things have been pretty good in the time/activity/chore management dept. I haven't read a ton, but that is my go to thing when its relax time or chill out time and for that I'm happy that life is calm enough that I have those 20 minutes here and there.

So often life kicks it up a notch and you wonder where the hell the last week or month went. Squeezing in the "me" time does wonders for a person's sanity, and if you say you don't have the time to do that, maybe its time to take a closer look at life as you know it.

Over scheduled and jam packed describe too many lives these days. I'm determined not to let my life be one of them. 

I will still choose to sweep the floor or clean a bathroom when I can, or mend some clothes or whatever other household chore presents itself. I will enrol my kid in swimming lessons (mandatory at our house) or whatever other activity she so chooses. I will pick up the slack when my husband is not home and hold down the fort as best I can. I will work a full week outside the home and contribute what I can to charitable organizations and so on.

But I will not let all this activity drive me to a point where I'm missing playing a game with my kid, or helping with a craft (as this seems to be the latest passion with her). I will do my best to spend at least one hour an evening with Big C with no interruptions, even if it involves stretching out on the couch with one another and watching something PVR'd. I will spend time with the dog too, he gets the short end of the stick some times in the time dept. but I know an extra scratch or snuggle fills up his heart too.

If it means letting the dishes go one more time, or cancelling a weekend event to do these things I will do it. I will not over schedule my kid in 100 different activities so that we are running all week long.

We need time to live, not just "do". We all need time to just chill out and be ourselves. I think I'm doing pretty good with that lately and we all benefit from it.

Til next time…I hope you find time to just be you...

Christmas vacation with a silver lining

We are 5 days into the new year. The festive season has come and gone for another 12 months or so. Although the way the marketing machine works in the world I suspect we'll see the first hints of Christmas in about 9 months.

It was a wonderful break. Really really good. There was some bad stuff like my car being an asshole and costing me about 700 bucks I could have saved or used elsewhere. The weather being crap for playing outside or doing anything winter/snow related. As in there was no snow.

But in all reality I could not have asked for anything more. It was fantastic. And further proof that I could retire tomorrow and have a ton of things to do with my days, but I fear my savings would run out long before my ideas of things to do if I retired now. So I will carry on working for another 15 years or so.

The lack of snow meant easy travel for the most part and with a 700 km journey each way to the "nord" that was welcome.

We got to see family and friends and for the most part did not tire of either. 

We ate lots, probably drank more than we should have and generally enjoyed ourselves in all situations.

We even slept a great deal and partook of many naps which further refuelled the batteries in our life.

I learned a few things too. Maybe learned isn't the word, but gained a new perspective on things might be a more apt description.

We visited 5 week old puppies while we were off. Siblings of our existing dog. If you know what a labrador puppy looks like at 5 weeks of age, then you know how impossibly cute they are. Damn freaking adorable let me tell you. But I am glad that not one of them is coming home with us. No puppy training, no chewing, no howling in the middle of the night…thank goodness.

We visited some friends of Big C's while in the nord, the husband of which was diagnosed about a year ago with ALS. A cruel debilitating disease with very little chance of long term survival. You would think it a depressing visit and in some ways I suppose it was. I thought as we rolled away that there was very little chance that we'd see him alive again if our pattern of Christmas visits continues as it has. In all honesty it was more inspiring than upsetting.

It hurt to see his young daughters and know they would be without their dad within a few years, but he was the same old guy. No he could no longer walk and his speech was starting to slur a tiny bit, but he still had the zest for life and humour that he always had. He said to us that at one point he was ready to pack it in and give up on things and one nurse said that he still had much to give and many to inspire. I believe it. I'm not sure I was inspired, but forced to be happy for my own relatively good health as well as the health of those around me.

I have a chronic disease, but its managed and for the most part in remission so for that I am grateful. Big C and Miss K have their troubles too, but nothing major and all is manageable. You realize quickly how much life is impacted when we don't have our health. Even some small bout of flu can spell havoc for even the most organized of families, let alone a major illness or disease.

This man was losing control of his body. Motor function was failing him at every turn, but you could see the spirit and life and fun emanating from him no matter how bleak the situation may look. 

It put a lot of things in perspective. How things may truly suck in your life for any number of reasons, but if you put the good out there, share some positivity and contribute something wonderful no matter your limitation you are going to impact people on some level.

Miss K made me proud and thankful this holiday season too. She did have her moments of pure 5 year old selfishness where things were all about her and presents and doing what she wanted but for the most part she was her usual kind, caring and sensitive self.

We were around other people and kids that made me thankful that mine was for the most part polite, not argumentative, cleaned up after herself (not always without being asked, but acceptable for being 5), used her manners and was respectful of other kids and adults.

Is she the most perfect kid on the planet? Nah. But in my honest opinion I think most would say she is a pleasure to be around and doesn't make too many waves. 

She got an iPad for Christmas. OK, don't judge. Under normal circumstances there is no way in hell I would buy a 5 year old their own iPad. Not even a responsible, gentle kid like mine.

However I happened to win said iPad over the summer at a golf tournament. Both Big C and myself have one already. So obvious choice is the remaining member of the family who does not right?

Yes and no. I did consider a donation to a charitable organization as a fundraiser, but since I won it from such a fundraiser, I thought that sort of weird.

Miss K is very responsible and careful when using our iPads so I knew damage would not be an issue. But still an iPad for a 5 year old?

We eventually decided that we would, it would be a good learning tool and something to grow with her and use for school etc…

Before Christmas Miss K did mention that she was saving her money for an iPad. We told her that she would have to save a lot and she seemed OK with that.

A few days after receiving her iPad we had this discussion.

"Hey mom?"

"Yes"

"You said iPad's cost a lot of money right?"

"Yes"

"So did you and dad have to pay a lot of money for the iPad I got for Christmas"

"No, not really. Do you remember the time I went to that golf tournament and you and dad hung out because I left really early and got home just when you went to bed"

"Uh-huh"

"Well, there was a contest that you bought tickets for and I won the iPad at that golf tournament and that is why you got it for Christmas"

"Oh, OK"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, you said it was a lot of money for one and I was saving for one and I didn't want you to spend a lot of money"

"We would not have bought you one if that is what you are asking"

"No, but I can use my money now to buy stuff for the iPad right""

"Yes, you can"

"it was pretty lucky to win one wasn't it?"

"Yes it was"

"I'm glad you did, I really like it"

"I'm glad I did too"

Yup, it was an expensive gift for a 5 year old, but after that conversation I'm glad we did it. She very likely has no concept of how much an iPad actually costs but is smart enough to know she's pretty lucky to have one and that is enough for me.

Plus, the fact that she is more content to do crafts or play games than be glued to the iPad. I know at least for the time being there will not have to be any restrictions on how much she can use it or limiting her screen time, she's is her own best electronics police. In the 10 days she's had it, I think she might have logged about 3 hours total on it, and that is just perfect in my books.

When you hear of all the childhood obesity and lack of social interaction skills due to tv/video games or in general screen time, I'm very happy to say my child does not think any of that screen time is a priority, and neither do I.

I hope everyone had some enlightening and uplifting moments in the last few weeks

Til next time…stay warm!