Kids these days

I believe I mentioned in a recent post about my desire every now and again to have the slight need to hold a pillow over my kids head, or perhaps see if the travelling circus might want to shoot her out of cannon or something.

Miss K. can drive us positively crazy, she's 3, at the delicate age of almost knowing everything and still wanting mommy and daddy when things go wrong. (I think this lasts now till kids are about 25 doesn't it?) She can turn on the "whine" or the "I can't" chant at the drop of a hat and you flip a different switch and she's back to happy giggly girl. Then there's all the drama on top of that.

She changes moods faster than most kids can eat a popsicle. I know its normal, I know its part of her becoming her own individual person, I know that she is overall a really really good kid, but if you were on the edge of some sort of psychological cliff she might just be able to push you off.

And then on the days when she is in a good amicable mood for the better part of the day, you'd like to find an off or mute switch for her because she never stops talking. Ever. It's continuous babble all day long, she stops to eat and sleep and that seems to be about it.

Miss K. learned to talk early and at barely 3 she's got a vocabulary that rivals some 5 and 6 year olds so I assume that must be part of it. I know we'll long for these days in her teenage years when she says nothing, but holy cow can this kid talk!!

Where I'm going with this post though is somewhere a bit different. Going to where you feel conflicted in your feelings, going to where you think after all is said and done that you might have a good kid after all, going down the somewhat sanctimonious path that you never wanted to tread.

In the last couple weeks we've had occasion to visit/see some other folks and their children or at least hear about their kids. After these visits I feel a little better about Miss K and hope that her almost saintly behaviour continues.

I think that at 3 when she stares in awe at what other kids are doing or what their parents are letting them get away with, I believe it says something. When she asks later why a kid was doing such and such, I wonder if we're doing something wrong or too many parents just don't give a shit anymore? I don't want to pull the holier than thou card, model parents we are not and I never want to be the "sanctimommy" kind.

Some basic manners and civility are all that we ask. I admit Miss K. is still not quite getting the hang of speaking/saying hello when spoken to, but she's working on it. She's overwhelmed and reserved around a whole bunch of new people so it takes a bit of time for the extrovert in her to come out. But she still manages some please and thank you's, a pleasant good bye even if its just a wave and does speak and answer questions with some gentle prodding.

In general she's respectful of other people's property and is conscious of her surroundings and the people in it. She will even ask on occasion if she can look at or touch something that belongs to someone else. 

I'm not trying to say my kid is perfect, she's not. I won't say that she's better than someone else's kid either. Every kid is great in their own way. I just wonder where the respect, manners and discipline has gone from our society and kids?

We have friends who have these respectful, kind gentle kids, they are fantastic to be around, you welcome them to your house, you enjoy their company be they 18 months or 18 years.

Then you have friends where the kids are the opposite. They're loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, self centred and you are relieved when you get to send them home or you get to leave.

You don' t think less of the parents, they're your friends/relatives. But you wonder sometimes where it all fell off the rails. Their kids aren't necessarily bad, or hurtful, they are just not pleasant to be around.

Give me a high energy kid who runs and plays hard, but says hello, who makes polite requests, and who is gracious any day. Take the same kid and strip away the respect and grace and you just have annoying.

It makes me feel bad on some level. I don't think all kids are horrible, but I do wonder if maybe some parents are missing the boat. By having a more nonchalant attitude their kids are missing some basic social skills due to their parents neglect. I get that perhaps some have tried to instil these values in their kids and they just ignore them. But, maybe in everyone's rush to be or not be the "helicopter" parent common decency is being missed.

By appearance I would probably be more distrustful of the tall scruffy teen that has 27 piercings and is dressed head to toe in black than the 3 tweens in the latest sweats and jeans. But when the kid in black leather holds open the door for me and says "After you", I'm much more impressed than the 3 tweens spouting endless obscenities and throwing their candy wrappers under my car.

It might be a sort of depression. I am sad that so few people seem to teach kids how to be decent people. Discipline, behaviour and whatever other issues aside, how hard is it to just be respectful of other people?

I will be the first to admit that I can have a fucking awesome trucker mouth at times. But I know when is appropriate and when its not. Some would argue it never is, but swearing a blue streak now and again helps the soul I think. So kids, swear when you are with your friends, swear when you drop your pop and it drenches the dog, but leave it somewhere else when you're at the park and my kid is within earshot or you're at a wedding reception with mostly seniors around.

Say hi when you are spoken to, say please and thank you, if it's not yours don't touch it, if someone asks you to stop doing something, listen to them, hold the door for someone, just be decent and you might be surprised at how people look at you differently.

And to the parents, set some rules and stick to them, ask more of your kids in the realm of politeness and decency and they might surprise you.  To those of you who already have great kids, keep up the good work, you give me faith in the world. You are the ones who convince me that all kids don't live under the "do whatever the hell you want" philosophy.

Til next time…be nice to your neighbour and teach your kids the same

The 8 week reminder

Today, I think I'm going to write about me for a change. Not to say that this blog isn't about me in a sense, but this one is more about me than the world around me.

Yesterday, I had my 8 week reminder that I've got an incurable disease. I hate even writing the word "disease". It sounds so sinister and menacing like I could die at any given moment. I'm guessing I've got a better chance of being hit by a bus than I do of dying of my disease, but you get the picture.

I was diagnosed with Crohns disease about a year and a half ago. And every 8 weeks I head into our local hospital for IV therapy to administer a drug that keeps me going for the next 2 months.

I also take one pill a day along with a multi vitamin and an iron supplement. I hate having to take any sort of drugs. A bottle of acetaminophen would go past its expiry date in our house waiting for me to consume it. I just don't like having to take them, it seems wrong on some level.

I'm not some holistic, cure by using seaweed and dandelion juice person by any means. I don't have a ton of faith in that approach either, but moreso I just really would like to avoid having to take anything to cure what ails me.

It's unavoidable in some cases, especially mine. Left untreated, the Crohns probably would kill me in some way shape or form. I look back now and realize that I've likely been sick for a good 10 years or more, I just didn't notice it. 

I had a really bad "flare" as they call it and my haemoglobin levels dropped to dangerous levels. They were talking blood transfusions, severe anemia etc… not really a good scene. I was really really not feeling good, and no one knew why.

By comparison, after all these drugs I feel good right now. My haemoglobin level is double what it was a year and a bit ago, so that in itself is an accomplishment. There's some good folks taking care of me in the medical profession and for that I'm thankful.

And I do realize it could be much worse. There are those who struggle getting their disease under control. Those who can't afford or don't have access to the medications/medical facilities that we do. I know I'm fortunate and I try to be grateful everyday because you don't know when it might change.

Will my body start rejecting the drugs that I'm getting? Will we have to start over at square one? How long will I have before side effects from the drugs come into play? Will I obtain a long lasting remission? Will I ever be able to be drug free again, or is this a lifelong thing?

So many questions that are left unanswered everyday. 

But I don't dwell on it. So many people let a diagnosis such as this monopolize their whole life. They let their disease define who they are. They live and breathe it so its at the forefront of everyday. An excuse or reason for everything they do and say.

I vow that won't be me. Ever. Period. Yes, I have this disease, yes, it can be very nasty and debilitating, but it's not ever going to be who I am. It's not going to be a reason I can't do or be something I want to be.

I want people to be surprised when they hear I have Crohns, to say wow, look at all   the things she can do and accomplish while living with this. I don't want any "oh you poor thing" looks. 

If it takes 5 hours hooked up to an IV every 8 weeks and pills for the rest of my living years so be it, I will fight to be just me every step of the way…

To all those fighting your own health battles…keep your chin up and kick the crap out of whatever you've got...

Patience in the house with a 3 year old

Three is a fun age. 

Kids are learning at an alarming rate and they're developing their own personality and tendencies. They are incredibly sweet and loving one minute and the next you pretty much would like to put them out by the curb with a "free" sign around their neck. 

Miss K. is a good kid don't get me wrong. I would choose her over many others. But oh boy does she make you want to smother her with a pillow or smother yourself somedays.

The split personality has taught us a couple things recently and for that I'm grateful.

Last week Big C and I had a bit of a blow out about his treatment of Miss K when she was at her worst. 

I know in my heart that he would never hurt her intentionally, but I was getting fearful of the "accident" that might happen in a fit of frustration.

I myself had inadvertently scratched her chin just last week when I picked her up. My fingernail left quite a mark and it probably hurt quite a bit. Pure accident but what would have happened had I been mad or upset?

Some background to the story. Miss K has always been a dream when it comes to going to bed. 8 pm hits and she's off to never never land. No issues, no complaints, often if we're out near the 8 o'clock hour she comments on how tired she is and that she just wants to get home to bed. Awesome right?

Well, as of the last couple weeks or so, she's been a complete pickle when it comes to bed time. All is good til the instant that we go to tuck her in. Then the crying starts. There's no tears, just whining, whimpering, crying etc… for no real reason other than to drive us crazy.

These outbursts come at other times too, but bed time is the worst.

Well, last week Big C had enough. There was a lot of shouting, door slamming and screaming between the two of them. And I saw for the first time a genuine look of fear in Miss K's eyes.

I realized then, this had to stop, how we were dealing with her behaviour had to change. I told Big C that he was scaring me, how long would it be before he hurt her?

Well he went off the deep end, refused to discuss further, wasn't going on the mini vacation we had planned, would leave until Sunday as he wasn't needed etc…

Perhaps poor choice of words on my part. I was more worried about how we were both dealing with Miss K. than fearful. But I also realized that there was nobody, including my husband that was going to put that look of fear on my kids face if I could help it.

It was a pretty quiet night and the next morning wasn't much better. Big C. said he was going into work, we could go away for the night like we'd planned he'd see us later in the weekend.

I said you better tell Miss K why you're not going. And that led to another shouting match, or should I say him saying he didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't supporting him, we didn't want him around, Miss K didn't ever listen to him etc…

Big C can have a temper tantrum. I knew that when I married him, he's never laid a hand on me or our daughter, but 2 or 3 times a year he just loses it, usually something minor puts him over the edge. He's a sensitive guy and I really think he thought that Miss K is deliberately trying to be mean to him.

He loves her dearly and they are the best of friends but often he just doesn't get kids and his patience is tested a little too often somedays. He likes things done when he wants them done, not when a 3 year old gets around to them. 

Unfortunately Miss K is a smart kid and she sees she gets a reaction out of her dad and that provokes him which in turn gives her more ammunition to poke the bear some more.

I'm not immune to bursts of temper myself, but there's a little more understanding of preschooler behaviour so I don't tend to crack under the pressure as often.

When all was said and done, we all had a big group hug, we all went on our mini vacation and Big C and I both resolved to be a little more patient with the little person in our house.

It's only been a week, but already there is a big difference. Sometimes you need to be a little more inventive in your tactics to get Miss K to do what you want, some times there requires some more understanding, sometimes you just need to know when to get out of way and let her have her fit and then talk to her when she calms down (or you do).

I keep thinking how would i want my kids teacher, babysitter, coach etc.. to deal with my child's troubles when I'm not there? That's how we want to parent. Firm, authoritative, but compassionate and understanding. You still want to be a parent, but a little patience goes a long way

Til next time, try to resist the urge to put your kids up for sale on ebay when they're bad...

Stuck

I think we're stuck. Not in a real physical sense, there isn't snow here this time of year. There's no mudslide that swallowed our house. No quicksand in our backyard, no tar on our deck, not that kind of stuck. (Though Miss K does have approximately 4 million stickers at our house and you could probably stick a lot of stuff with them)

No, I mean stuck in a more metaphorical sense. We just seem to be twirling in the same circle right now and it's driving me crazy.

I'm not saying that I want chaos and disorder, or a different catastrophe every week,  I'm not big on sudden change, but it seems things are getting a bit stale.

The routine is OK, the job is ok, the marriage is ok, the kid is ok but it seems like change is out there, just not knocking on our doorstep these days.

There's a big change without the dog around. And maybe that is part of the stagnant feel of life. The emptiness in our house might be part and parcel of me not feeling like there's much "life" going on. 

The mudpuppy had a way of mixing things up, changing what you were doing, altering your life in small ways to accommodate her needs. 

Not to mention a never ending cheery disposition that made you smile in spite of yourself or your bad day.

This was going to be a summer that revolved around training with her, going to trials, getting conditioned for hunting season, and we don't have that now. I believe this could be the most "free" summer that I've had since meeting Big C.

It's not all bad mind you, we've got the ability to do what we want, when we want, but it almost feels like there's too much freedom, too little interaction with others, too much time just the 3 of us.

Then there is our house situation. We've been looking to move almost since Miss K. was born. We're in desperate need of more storage for Big C's hunting accessories. Ladies, if you know or love a duck hunter you realize that to a guy there is never enough plastic ducks/geese that he can possess for waterfowl season.

I love our yard, I like the location and most of the house I like. But we just need a tad more room, one or two rooms and an extra garage and we'd be all set. Seems like an easy request doesn't it?

Except its not, we've been looking on and off for almost 2 years and nada, zip zero zilch. 

We went to an open house a couple weekends ago, the yard was gorgeous, about an acre, fenced, nicely landscaped, 2 double garages and a pool as an added bonus. Price was a little much, but sellers were motivated so we could have made it work. The downside? House was smaller than what we've got now and the location wasn't so hot. Sucked the big one.

The usual scenario is, everything is grand, house is good, we've got lots of storage but the price is about 100,000 more than we can afford.

I guess that's the real estate market. It would just be nice to move before Miss K starts into school, I've no desire to uproot her in the middle of public school just so we could move.

Maybe with the mudpuppy gone I'm more anxious to make a new start? It's not that I hate where we are, it's just we think we could improve.

But instead we spinning our wheels in one place, around and around we go, when will it stop? Who knows?

Found out yesterday the roof is leaking. We were getting quotes to replace the roof this year anyway, now the need is somewhat more urgent. I sort of cringe every time there is the forecast for rain. There is nothing I hate more than water where there should not be water. Most other things I can deal with, I get stressed when I think of all the damage both seen and unseen that water can do in a short amount of time.

Maybe this will be the kick start to pushing forward into a new chapter of our lives. Not that the old story is bad, but we need to inject some life into the characters if you get my drift?

Have a nice weekend everyone, maybe for a change it will actually be summer like and not rain…I hope!

Til next time...