I can't hardly believe its been nearly a year. In another couple days it will be one year since we had to say goodbye to our Mudpuppy.
Thinking about her even now brings tears to my eyes, and a big lump in my throat. She lives in my heart each and every day and her picture a fixture in our house, even our in between house that we're living in for the next 4 weeks.
On one hand I'm sad, so deeply saddened that she had to go. Miss K still asks why our girl had seizures and unfortunately I'm never going to be able to answer her. Sometimes things just are the way they are and there's nothing we can do about it.
I wonder sometimes how genuine Miss K is when she says she misses her, but I see the relationship she has with our new pup and to some degree believe that in her heart she still misses her too.
I get angry sometimes too. It wasn't fair to our girl, those horrible seizures that would most often attack in the middle of the night. They ravaged her body, mind and spirit in a way that we couldn't fix.
I'm pissed that she didn't get to live out her full dog life, she didn't get a chance for more of the fun stuff that she loved to do, more time with us.
Yup, I know it's just a dog. It's not like it was Miss K or something that is gone. But, to me it still sucks.
Not on a large scale life altering/threatening scale that some endure every day. I'm not debating first world and third world problems.
Anyone who's had a dog, cat, horse or whatever that you really bonded with, gets where i'm coming from. It doesn't compare to loss of human life or suffering I won't suggest that. It's a different kind of hurt when you've bonded with an animal that expects nothing more than food, water and a kind word or pat to the head.
Our Mudpuppy taught me more about compassion/loyalty and friendship than we ever taught her about obedience, hunting or retrieving. She had a special soul for sure.
Our new guy eases the hurt a bit. He's sweet in a different way and convinced he's a kid in a puppy's body some days. Miss K and I love him to death. Big C is getting there, he thought he was really ready to have another dog but losing his best hunting buddy to something so sinister really cut him deep.
He'll get there, the pup will win him over one day I'm almost sure of it. Big C has to remember this isn't our Mudpuppy and change his expectations. He's a good dog and though will never replace our girl, he will be an equal companion, friend and hunting buddy in time to all of us.
I miss you old girl. I know you're out there somewhere, doing all the things you loved the best. I think of you often and miss you every day. Hoping you are making someone very happy across that rainbow bridge of life and that we'll see one another again one day
I sort of thought I wouldn't still miss her so much, but those who leave a mark on your heart are there forever
Til next time…give your kids a hug for me, be they the 2 legged kind or the furry kind
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