When will people start taking responsibility for their own shit. And by shit I mostly mean their kids.
I've written before about integrity and taking ownership of what you do and being a grown up when you are over the age of 18 or so. But I'm talking about sucking it up and actually being a parent and being responsible for your kid and their actions.
What I'm seeing lately is a blatant negligence in the parenting department.
I don't mean the providing of basic needs like food, clothing and shelter, or even love and compassion. I am talking about the guidance and leading by example that seems so lacking in parents these days.
Lets take a couple of recent examples.
The first involved what I assume was a grandparent, but they're a parent to someone so we'll stretch the example a bit on the first one.
We went bowling on a Saturday afternoon at a large bowling centre and just about every lane was packed. We were sandwiched in between two large party groups. On one side a hockey team made of 11 and 12 year old boys. On the other a big group of 4 and 5 year olds for a birthday party.
Which do you think was the group that most made me question the parenting skills being displayed in today's society?
Not the group of pre-teen boys thats for sure.
We had a couple of youngsters from the latter group that continually walked into our lane, were over in our seats, were at our ball rack etc…
This is fine if we were done or were not bowling, but we were at the time. Having little folks running behind you or in front of you while bowling is a safety hazard not only for them but for us as well.
Miss K is slight in build and could have easily tripped over one of these little people had they got in her way. Big C or myself could very easily have hurt one of them had we stepped on them.
We told the children in question that they should look out or get back over with their own group a couple of times. They seemed to give the blank stare of "why are you talking to me" but usually complied.
I will note at this time that there was a number of parents and grandparents sitting back from the lanes that were supposedly supervising these children that made no effort to keep them in check.
By the 4th or 5th time that one of these little people made their way over into our space and Big C more loudly told them to back off, one of the "adults" overheard and took exception.
"Well, he's only 4, he doesn't know any better". To which my husband retorted, that our daughter is only 5 and we've taught her better.
I think the grandma summed it up. He doesn't know any better because all the adults are sitting on their ass oblivious to what their kids are doing and have provided no guidance as to what would be acceptable behaviour in a situation such as this.
I have no objections to kids having fun or being excited in a situation new to them like bowling. However when there a handful of adults just sitting idly by and not one of them is making an effort to corral or suggest to the offending parties what might be acceptable behaviour I call bullshit.
Get off your ass and teach your kids some decency, at the age of 3 and 4 they should be able to comprehend that they need to stay out of other peoples way. Not tough to do people, courtesy goes a long way.
I can guarantee that grandma would have been the first to be in our face if her precious little rugrat had been stepped on by Big C while he was bowling, but god forbid you keep the kid out of the way in the first place.
Case number two happened just this past weekend.
Big C was out at the barn and I had just let the dog out as it was a mild day and he wanted to survey the world of our backyard as he so often does.
About 5 minutes later I was talking to Miss K in the living room when I heard barking. It didn't sound like our dog, he usually lets out just one single bark at a time and this was successive barks.
I chalked it up to being the neighbours dog and carried on talking to Miss K. But the barking sounded weird and seemed to be coming from the opposite side of the house than our neighbours.
Our dog was indeed on that side of the house, but did not appear to be barking. Hmmm, this is odd I thought so I went to investigate.
I looked out our back french doors to see our dog at the end of his rope looking at something in the yard of the church beside us.
Aha, I'd found the source of the barking. Two young lads standing at the edge of our property (there is a small creek that separates us) and they were barking at our dog trying to get him to bark back.
The poor dog was just standing there wondering what on earth they were doing.
In retrospect I wish I'd grabbed the video camera before I slipped out onto the deck and told the little buggers to "knock it off".
Judging by the .35 seconds it took for them to turn tail and run away I knew that they knew their actions were in the wrong, but why were they there in the first place?
There are kids as young as 5 or 6 playing in that creek after church lets out and not a parent to be found. Granted these kids were older, but it's February, why are your kids playing in or near a creek anyway?
I would be willing to bet the parents have no idea what their kids are up to or even specifically where they are. They're inside socializing or working or doing whatever with not a notion what their kid is up to.
Still other people tell me of children in a group setting that have fallen and are crying and not one parent or caregiver responsible for that child is nearby. They instead leave it up to whomever to assist their child in a time of need.
Others mention children under the age of 4 left in a home while the parents are outside or otherwise occupied or worse yet sleeping and no one paying attention to them.
I don't suggest for one minute that you hover over your child 24/7, I'm not a helicopter parent and never intend to be. Miss K doesn't usually like to be left alone, but we encourage her to stretch her boundaries and be a bit less clingy. I don't want to smother or let her have free reign, a nice happy medium would suffice.
But I sure as hell know where my kid is or have a pretty good idea 99.9% of the time. And I'm sure most parents can distinguish their kids cry from all others so why not respond when you hear them?
I'm asking that you "parent" your child. Offer them guidance and suggestions on appropriate behaviour. Distinguish what boundaries are appropriate for their age and abilities. Be a role model not a "oh someone else will take care of it" person.
Grow a set and take on responsibility for your kids actions and behaviour. If they don't learn it from you who the hell are they supposed to learn it from. Set a good example and maybe the kids will follow suit.
I know there are kids out there who will rebel no matter what you try to do or say. And I understand there are special and extenuating circumstances in a lot of cases. Those are not the people I'm trying to speak to.
I'm reaching out to the parents and caregivers of the children that I speak to like a parent and they give me the look of "why are you talking to me that way?"
I'm not a hard ass. I do however expect respect, manners and courtesy from everyone including children and I see many who are not taught or shown any of these things.
Its a sad day, when people want teachers, coaches and just about anyone but them to "parent" their children.
Til next time…teach your kid to hold a door for someone else, it might go a long way
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