The positive challenge has been tough the last little bit.
I'm struggling to keep things light and focus on the good…the negative stuff keeps popping in, most of it minor, but it's sticking its ugly head into things and giving me a struggle
On the plus side there is the fact that Miss K, the dog and I have been kicking it on our own. I've been very patient and understanding with Miss K for the most part and that is helping things roll smoothly in solo parenting mode.
Miss K is starting to get that whining will get you nowhere, or in her case it will get you a trip to your room. And she is figuring out that we're not tolerating yelling in the house as that will get you a trip to the kitchen table to put your head down.
Big C and I had a good date night on the weekend. It gave me hope for the future that there would be more date nights and hope that the drama would cease from Miss K about us going out without her.
The weather is rocking it for early fall, cool to start but we're hitting near summer highs by days end which is awesome.
Lots of good things and I really do try to keep things on the positive side, so in that respect I'm keeping my end of the deal with the positive challenge.
But there's lots of confusion, hurt, worry and lack of understanding clouding the positive sky these days.
I'm so frustrated with Big C. One day very loving and cheerful, the next he won't even acknowledge that I'm in the room.
The lack of understanding on how he can be nearly like his old self one day and distant and insensitive the next. I wonder sometimes if he really wants to try to make us work. I know he struggles, but some part of me wants to shout at him "wake up you miserable s.o.b. and realize what the hell you've got"
He is more caring and compassionate with just about everyone else but me, except I know on the other hand he'd be devastated if anything serious happened to me.
I don't understand his expectations. I feel somedays like we can't live up to them. That's all of us, myself, Miss K and the dog. He expects great things which is good, but is crushed or cranky when the expectation isn't met.
You ask about his day, you take an interest in his life, you compliment him or say how much you appreciate him and it seems to fall on deaf ears. And you sure as hell don't expect any of that in return.
It causes a lot of confusion, the up and down, push/pull, roller coaster, not really being sure where it is you stand. Like there is some hidden agenda and if you don't attend all the meetings you get fired.
I will stick it out, it's still more good than bad and nobody ever said marriage was easy, I just wish right now it wasn't so damn hard…
Til next time…enjoy the sun if you live around these parts…it's great!!
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