Almost 4 Hollywood marriages and the need for more grace in our lives

It's nearing the end of September. Our summer like weather is soon ending. I told Miss K this morning that today may be the last day for shorts to school. She was bummed. I can't say as I blame her.

I am not in a position to wear shorts to the day job, however it is almost sublime to be able to come home the end of September and slip into a pair of shorts and walk around barefoot as the temperature is still nice enough to be able to do so.

Fall is nice don't get me wrong but it's not summer.

Tomorrow is anniversary number 8, which in today's society is about 4 Hollywood marriages. This time last year I was not even sure that we'd make 8 years. Things were weird, still are in some ways.

When your husband makes the statement that he is not in love with you anymore…your world turns upside down. A year later, I'm standing on my feet again, but balancing a lot of things and emotions still.

I do have faith we'll make 9 years and probably more. Things are better. There was no fighting or great conflict. I felt and still feel some days that Big C is troubled and though we talk about everything under the sun, this "stuff" is something he can't share with me.

It's troubling. But the footing underneath is more solid and I look at it as we can only go forward, we cannot go back to the past. 

I'm speaking up more. If only to say what I feel. Maybe not as much as I should, but I'm getting it out there a bit more.

It's not that I feel that either of us needs to change. Just that things need to be more out in the open. If I do so, then perhaps he will too.

Oddly it seems like this is another transition time in our lives. Not in an outward sense as we are both secure in our jobs, loving our house, Miss K is rocking the school thing and so on but in a more intangible sense.

I see old friendships changing or fading away and new ones forming. Activities once a regular thing taking the back seat to new experiences and opportunities.

You change, you roll with the punches, you adapt all while trying to keep your values, integrity and be grateful for the chances that you do have.

I think that is a big one for me right now. Gratitude. Or people's lack of it.

So much taken for granted, so much sense of entitlement and it can all be gone in an instant.

It's taking the time to ask someone how they are doing, or remembering an important event in their life.  Doing something for someone to show that you care. (I put completing school lunches and making your husband's lunch in this category only because I hate it so much). 

You don't have to go out of your way or spend a ton of money. Sometimes even the impersonal text message can be helpful when used in the appropriate way.

If someone gives you something or does something for you, say thanks. Please. Just say thank you. If your kid gets a birthday card from some distant relative, let them know it was received. It does not have to be formal or fancy, but tell them their effort was appreciated. 

Don't take anything for granted. If your kid asks for the 1000th time for you to do whatever annoying thing they want to do maybe it's time to do it. 

I sat and did some play-doh with Miss K yesterday for all of about 10 minutes but she was thrilled. I hate going to the park to play, but we go once or twice a month because it means a lot to her.

I say thank you when my husband cooks breakfast or makes me a drink and I mean it. 

As the saying goes; Life is short, play hard. Maybe life cannot be all play, but nourishing those relationships you need/want in your life is important. 

I can't stand that the house doesn't get cleaned on a regular basis, hate that there is more on the to-do list than the has been done list. However, I'm never going to regret a good water fight with my kid, or helping my husband out. 

Sometimes those opportunities get shoved to the side. Or we miss the chance to appreciate what others do for us. Who knows when just saying thanks could make someone's day?

I'm not an eternal optimist, more cynical and sarcastic, but I do believe there is good in the world and that we have to be cognizant of our surroundings and not miss out on the beauty of the world as well as the people in it.

If someone or something is not making your world a better place to be, then perhaps its time to move on to those that do.

Til next time…be gracious in all things you do, you may need some grace in your life when you least expect it

Things that can make you sad

We're past the mid way point of September and that makes me sad.

My barefoot days are coming to an end shortly. The seasons are going to change and I'm going to have to wear socks all the time. It makes me sad. Fall is lovely, but cold feet are not. There are lots of nice days in fall, but usually not warm enough in these parts to walk about barefoot and that is sad.

Big C's birthday is today, but he is not home with us and that is sad. He is with is dad doing some hunting and fishing so I suppose that is a good way to spend your birthday so for that I am grateful.

There is the Syrian refugee crisis and that is sad. I don't really understand all of it, but to want to pack up your family and leave a country locked in permanent unrest is a horrible thought. I feel sad for those people, and am not sad that I live in a country that people would like to come to in times of war/unrest/turmoil. 

It is sad that all of them cannot be helped. You try your best and look out for your fellow human being but in the end how much do you really want to give? You're still going to make sure your family is fed and taken care of and you're never really sure if your money gets to any of them anyway and that is sad.

The little boy in Texas who made a clock and took it into his high school got arrested because the teacher thought it was a bomb. While I understand the need for caution, at the grade 9 level both student and faculty should be capable enough to explain the situation so that no one gets arrested. It makes me sad that our society is so "on edge" that a kid cannot experiment with anything any more.

The argument is there that if a kid makes a toy gun should you not be suspicious that its a real gun? It was a clock people! A clock for goodness sake. I could have made a teddy bear for home economics and put a bomb inside that, but would my teacher be suspicious, no probably not as it was so cute and fluffy. When will common sense prevail again? It make me sad to think this kid will probably never bring anything into school again, nor will his classmates, lest someone think it a bomb.

Closer to home we had an amber alert this week for a missing 2 year old. I had to explain to Miss K what an amber alert was. She thought it was a good idea, but would definitely be scary not to know where your mom and dad were, or to be taken away by someone.

Sadder still the little girl was killed. Her dad killed and her as well. Awful. No 2 year old should be killed because someone had a beef with their dad. How does the mom ever go on with life?

Then there are the other things in the news that make me sad. Like why the Kardashian's even get media coverage? Who cares what sexual orientation Miley Cyrus is? The list goes on and on, but I guess we as a culture fuel this media circus and that is sad in itself.

It's Friday today and that is not sad…so til next time ignore the things in the world that are sad and make someone happy...

Where did summer go?

It has been freaking forever since I did a post here. For-ever with a capital F. WTF? 

I have no idea what has been going on that I've not been posting. I've been reading lots of blogs but not writing in mine.

Maybe a combo of nothing to say and no time to say nothing…if that even makes sense?

Back to school has been accomplished, we're on day 4 and I'm already hating the whole process. Once we get back into the routine it will be fine I'm sure, but I really dislike forms and lunches and putting names in everything. Which by the way I fail miserably at. I never remember when Miss K gets something new that it needs to be labeled. PITA if you ask me, these kids should be smart enough to keep track of their own shit shouldn't they?

Home life is pretty mellow. We're winding down with summer which makes me infinitely sad. But Autumn is OK as a season, just it's not summer…LOL. 

The puppy dog put something through is foot the other weekend. We're not sure what but he did a good job of it. Let's just say we're winding up week 2 of antibiotics and only recently has he got rid of the cone of shame.

He was such a bully with that thing. Once he figured out it made him that much bigger and he could just charge through most anything it was awful. To him it was the cone of "i can go wherever I damn well please and no one can stop me". He's getting better and that is the important part, hopefully his foot has healed enough for hunting season coming up. Big C anxious to have a duck hunting buddy again this year.

So that's our life, not too exciting…just living and taking the days as they're thrown at us…and somedays they are hurled at you at dizzying speeds but you bounce, tuck and roll with it and come out on the other side

Til next time…hope back to school is going well for everyone

Standing up for your right to be selfish as a parent

There is something that has been bugging me for a long time now. I'm not even sure if I will end up posting this, but perhaps there are others of you in the same situation and will feel my frustration.

I work full time. My husband works full time. I need to have a job to keep my sanity. I could argue that we don't need two pay cheques to make a go of things in this world, but it makes things easier. We have all medical expenses such as prescriptions, dentist and eye wear covered. We both have pension plans so that we have a nest egg come retirement time. Two incomes lets us put away some money for our kid's education down the road should she choose to go that route. And did I mention needing something to do with my day?

It's a choice not everyone can make or wants to make or whatever. When I had Miss K there was never a question that I would stay home with her forever, I was going back to work. I like my job, like the people I work with and feel overall that it makes our family better having that extra income as well as a mom that isn't going stir crazy being home all day.

Big C is the same, I know he likes to work and likes the extra's it affords us.

But there are drawbacks. It does mean our time with Miss K is limited. Now that she is a full time school kid, we aren't missing as much, but I figure we are with her just about 20 waking hours for Monday through Friday. That works out to about 1 hour in the morning and about 3 in the evening.

I miss her. Do I wish I could spend more time with her? Yes and no. With it being summer there are days that I wish we could just hang in our pi's and kick back for the morning and then see what the day brings, but I've chosen to work for my living and I am ok with that.

It gives me some adult interaction and a chance to make a contribution to the world doing something I enjoy. It gives her a chance to interact with other kids and gain some independence from us too. We have a great sitter and to be perfectly honest its like taking her to her second home.

Our weekends are enjoyed because we can all spend time together, even the dog. It perhaps sounds selfish, but we don't like to visit or plan a lot of get togethers because we enjoy one another's company. 

And this is where the problem begins.

There is one member of the extended family that complains about this…a LOT.

I won't name names, but lets just say that they are not part of the group that lives a long ways away from us.

I suspect some of it stems from friends of theirs that spend lots of time with their offspring and grandkids. A "competition" of sorts to see who did the coolest thing with their grandson or granddaughter.

It's not that we limit visits or shun them. They are always welcome to stop by and see Miss K, and have been since day one. There is no animosity or hidden family rift, just a lot of complaining that they don't get to see or do whatever with Miss K enough.

I note, that they are the only ones to whine about this.

Why can't we do this, we'd like to do that, when can we have her over. Don't you guys want to go out?

It's frustrating, because I do see their point. It would be nice to have us over for dinner, nice to take Miss K places, nice to do a lot of things, but they don't seem grateful for what they do get to do. it's wanting to do more because everyone else is.

I know that isn't the only reason, but I'm quite sure everyone else in our lives would like to do these things with Miss K as well as ourselves. 

They act like they are being left out of everything, but they get the same invitations as everyone else. And no they are not our preferred sitters of choice when we do go out. For one, they cannot take our dog, and sometimes he needs to go somewhere too. They have a tendency to ignore us when we ask them to stop doing something with Miss K or the dog. Not abiding rules of the house is a sure way to fall out of favour with us quickly.

Even when we do come over it is the off hand comments of having something months ago but we didn't come and visit so we never got to use it. Or expecting that things are going to play out a certain way, forgetting that they're dealing with a kid and it life unfolds by the minute and you better be prepared for the next one because it may be completely different than the one preceding it

But in all honesty, we don't pawn Miss K off too much. Should we do so more often? Perhaps.

But we like our time. I know this is our only kid that we're going to have, for sure for sure. I'm no spring chicken and neither is Big C, so time spent with Miss K is precious.

I'm going to say straight out, I'm going to be selfish and take all the time I can with this kid, and sorry to everyone else, but that is the way its going to be.

Too soon, she's going to not want to be with us and spend time with her friends. Or have other interests/hobbies that cuts into our time and I see and realize that.

There are people out there that will say that these people deserve time with her too, and I agree, but just realize that you are most likely going to have to share it with us too.

Don't force your agenda on me and my family. I'm standing up for it. I want to spend time with my kid, I'm sorry that you feel left out, but for once in my life I'm putting myself and my needs first and this is what I want for me.

No, we are not going to be an over at the in-laws every week for supper or take big family vacations kind of people. It's not going to happen and wishing it will be so isn't going to make it true. And complaining and whining about it certainly isn't going to help your case.

Be grateful for the opportunity's that you do have and stop harassing us for things you think you should have.

On a lighter note, Big C and I do have a bit of time this weekend to ourselves, hopefully get in some golf and some R&R without the presence of the chatty one

Til next time…stand up for what you believe is right for your family, don't be bullied into what someone else thinks is the status quo...

You are not entitled to everything you want

Today we talk about entitlement. 

Specifically that there seems to be a huge sense of it with some youth these days. They expect way too much and have no sense of gratitude for what they do have.

It isn't all kids, I want to state that up front, there are some truly good kids and twenty somethings that have their head on straight and realize that good jobs don't grow on trees and all 8 year olds do not need the latest iPhone.

And, I hope that we can raise Miss K to be one of these kids. I have a good full time job and so does Big C, we make more than most as far as annual income goes. I won't deny that we have more means to do stuff or buy whatever than many, but that does not mean that I won't instil a sense of hard work and integrity in my kid. Life is not going to be handed to you on silver platter and you are not going to win at everything.

We have a young lad at work, lets call him John for sake of giving him a name. He is doing very well in the job that he is in. I don't work directly with him, but deal with him or have contact with him on a daily basis. He grasped the concepts of the job and has added some responsibilities not usually associated with the position. He's pleasant to deal with and is generally well liked.

All good right? Not so much. John pisses us off because he does do a good job, but has an awful work ethic. He shows up late, takes tons of vacation or unpaid time off, calls in sick on a regular basis, so much so that he cannot be counted on to be present for an entire week at a time.

John doesn't seem to care either. He wants to get a place of his own but feels he needs to make more money to do so. Not equating anywhere in there that you need to work a full week and show that you do a good job and can be reliable to making more moolah.

It's sad, because he's going to lose his job and not have any clue that he did anything wrong. He feels he's entitled to more because it's what he wants, not necessarily a fact of life, but if he wants it he's entitled to it.

I won't discourage positive thought, but its like wanting to win a million dollars and not buying a ticket. You can win unless you play. You are not going to get further ahead in your job, if you don't show up everyday and show you are able to take on the responsibility of working a full week without buggering off to do something with your friends.

And don't even get me started on kids who have iPhones and tablets and other things coming out the wazoo because they will "just die" if they don't have one. Cut the crap jack, you're not going to die. 

You will die if you don't have food, water, a decent roof over your head, clothing etc…life is not going to end if you can't tweet/text/instagram your friends or whatever the cool thing is to do these days.

So many kids get gifts for their birthdays and can't even bother with a thank you. They just take the cash or gift for granted and move on. 

I'm pretty old fashioned when it comes to that stuff. You are not entitled to a gift for your birthday, if someone chooses to bring one or send one, then you should be grateful for the action, and say so.

I was very encouraged by Miss K this past birthday, or should I say after her birthday. My aunt had taken a fair number of pictures of Miss K at her party. She printed them and assembled them in an album and mailed it to us. Miss K was thrilled at getting mail and said shortly after opening that we must call and say thanks.

Good for you kiddo, I would have done so anyway for myself as I enjoyed the pictures too, but I was encouraged that maybe she's got some sense of gratitude not found in most 5 year olds.

We called straight away, we could only leave a message, but Miss K did the majority of the talking herself and that was enough for me. Too many times people do things that my aunt did and it seems like it falls on deaf ears. You never know if the gift was received or if the person liked it or anything.

I still send thank you notes from time to time. I may soon resort to thank you emails as the cost of a postage stamp has gotten beyond stupid, but I digress. It's the effort to say thanks, its the effort to work for what you have, it's not thinking that you are entitled to everything just because you think it should be so.

I hope that I can teach all that to my kid. Yes, we have the means to buy her most things that she could want, but wanting and necessity are two different animals. Yes, you should feel that you can achieve or do anything, but you must realize that you are not going to get a trophy every time you play a game or do a good deed. 

Hard work is just that, hard. If you don't work hard at anything you never get to see what the rewards are. Be grateful and show that gratitude, and parents make sure your kids actually say thanks for a gift or help or whatever. Show them that stuff they want doesn't just show up in their room because they say they want it.

Guide your youngsters to be self sufficient, to realize that they may have it better than most, the value of integrity and doing a good job and maybe we'll escape the cycle of entitled youngsters that feel the world owes them something instead of the other way around.

Til next time…pay it forward and give thanks

Dog days of summer and patriotic pride

I think the dog days of summer are here. Or in our case the sick dog days of summer are here.

Not sure what is wrong with the pup these days. He upchucked Sunday around lunch, which isn't unusual for a dog, but then refused supper that night and appeared to be what I can only describe as nauseous.

Yesterday he was good, kept all his food down, we had reduced the amount just due to the actions of the day before. He seemed a bit more perky this morning and quite hungry, but then proceeded to upchuck all his breakfast. Not cool. The fact that he didn't do it outside but instead on the carpet in the living room sucked even more.

He's not himself that's for sure. The heat isn't helping either, we're in the heat of summer and that cannot feel good when you are wearing a big furry black coat.

Gonna get some pumpkin and mix it with rice tonight for his supper and see where that gets us. He's really hungry and drinking lots so I'm not suspecting any sort of weird wormy thing, but here's hoping we don't have to go to the vet!

I like the hot days, anytime I don't have to wear socks is a good day in my books. Big C just shook his head the other night when I put my feet on the back of his legs in bed and they were like icicles compared to him.

I have to remember that when I'm comfortable in the summer, that other people are probably sweating their you know whats off. And when I'm feeling hot, they're probably in the air conditioning somewhere.

MIss K and I are kind of at a loss without the Pan-Am games being on TV. They were held just down the road from us and it was nice to see athletes competing at places you were sort of familiar with.

Miss K was so excited that bowling was in the Pan-Am games, its one of her favourite things to do, and thought it super cool that you could win a medal doing it. Not much for TV coverage on bowling though, but she still enjoyed all the other sports.

And I was impressed with the eloquence of our athletes when they were interviewed. Most were gracious and humble and genuinely happy to be competing at home in front of Canadian fans. In fact even athletes from other countries were similarly grateful to be competing and spoke as if they had more than just a limited vocabulary of "gave 110%", "did my best", "trained hard" responses too.

I love that Canada won 217 medals, not as much as the USA, but then again they have 10 times the population that we do, so overall, I think we kicked some pretty serious ass.

I'm proud to be Canadian, very proud, we have a respected country, great rights and freedoms and generally good standard of living. The climate may not be ideal in some locations, hence why our population isn't that of the USA despite being bigger in land mass, but I will take it.

We come from a pretty awesome nation, and while there are 100's of places I would like to visit in the world, I very much always want to come back and call Canada my home.

Til next time…show some patriotism, no matter where you live.

Living with your kids, or without them

I had a conversation with Miss K last night before bed that made me a little bit sad.

We were talking about how tall she was getting. It seems with the summer sun that she grows about a millimetre per day. I know she doesn't, but I nearly dread going through the pants we have for fall, as I'm sure at least half will not be long enough. And as a mom who is nearly 6 feet tall, I will not have a kid who wears floods just because she's tall for her age.

We struggle a bit with packing on the pounds, but she's not going to complain about that in 10 years for sure. She's bound and determined that by the end of summer that she will weight the requisite 40lbs to have just a regular booster seat in the car instead of the 5 pt. harness type seat she has now.

After we determined that she was at least as tall as Queen Elsa was at her age, she stuck her lip out and started to pout.

Here's the conversation that followed.

What's wrong?

I'm sad.

How come?

If I get bigger and bigger and when I'm older I won't be able to see you and dad.

Well, why is that?

Well, when kids get big they have to move out of the house and I won't get to see you guys everyday and that makes me sad.

I began to tread carefully here, as I do not want to say that some kids live with their parents long after they're adults, but don't want to crush her either… Draw the fine line between independence and being close to your family if you know what I mean.

You would still get to see us kiddo.

No I wouldn't, I would leave and live somewhere else and not see you.

We see grandma quite a bit right?

Mm-hmm.

And we just went to see Poppa right?

Yes.

And grandpa Doug comes by sometimes to visit?

Uh-huh.

Well, that's what would happen probably. I get to see my mom and dad still, and so does Dad, we could do the same.

You mean I could come and visit?

Absolutely!

So I could go and be with my friends but I could still come stay here? Or you could visit me?

Yes we could.

Oh, well that would be ok then, but where would I live?

Look, that's a long ways off, let's worry about getting a good sleep first and we can talk more about it in the morning.

OK Mom, can I have one more last hug?

You betcha.

I was thinking later that night that I would be sad too if I didn't get to see her everyday too. The adjustment might be bigger on our end than it would hers. Big C has been away a lot for work lately and while we Skype twice daily and talk on the phone once or twice, Miss K is my companion for the most part when he's gone. Now that she's 5 the conversations are a little more grown up, but usually still revolve around school, Frozen, animals or food, but you take what you can get.

I will take the next 13 or 14 years with her and hopefully remember this conversation when she does want to move out of the house. I hope she does want to move out, but I hope she does want to come and visit us often.

All part of the process of growing up and letting them go…

Til next time, call your mom or dad or someone close to you…they'd probably be happy to hear from you