A big step

Tomorrow is Friday. I'm not sure if it is going to be a good one or not. We're going to register Miss K for school in the morning.

I'm a little excited about it, but mostly filled with dread and anxiety.

I know she'll love school. Really I do.

But 4 is so young, and the kids go every single damn day, all day long. I wonder if it's too much too soon.

Will she have even kicked her nap by then? I guess we're going to have to work on that.

Big C and I talked at length about it the other night. The only conclusion we could come to was that if it wasn't working for her, we'd just pull her out and try again next year.

We found out this week that we had the option of sending her to Catholic school. 

I'm not sure how I feel about it. On a personal level I'm not much of a church or God person. But on a maternal level I know it's the right environment for my kid.

At least I hope so.

She knows kids who go to the school. We won't have to change day care. She even knows the bus driver on the bus route so I figure that is all good.

She is an honest, caring and compassionate kid. I'd hope that a more faith based school will nurture that and make it bigger and better than it is already. Maybe knowing that God has her back will keep that honesty and integrity intact.

I hope she'll be comfortable. I hope she'll come out of her shell quickly and show how bright and funny she is.

Maybe she'll do better than she would at a public school and maybe not.

I sure do hope so.

I'm not ready for the nut-free snacks, the healthy lunch choices, the pizza days and school trips.

I think Miss K can handle it but I'm not sure I'm ready.

It's still 7 months away, but I'm not sure I will make it. 

Backpacks, lunch bags, indoor shoes, outdoor shoes, pencil cases and name tags oh my!

Maybe it's because it makes me sad. Every time I look at her she seems to have grown, changed or become older before my eyes.

I relish seeing her grow and learn but realize how fleeting each age and stage can be. It tears at your soul just a wee bit every time they accomplish something more grown up. 

I look in her eyes and see the baby I've always known, right from that first instant you could see a whole world in her baby blues. But there is something more there now, a depth I didn't see before, more knowledge, more everything contained in that gaze.

I can't stop looking, trying to freeze every single moment in some part of my brain so it will be etched there for all eternity. So I can remember all the firsts, all the deep conversations, all the giggles.

Maybe it's that school is such a huge step in her independence that I feel this way. I just want to capture it all and and put it somewhere to remember when we're knee deep in science projects and school team practices.

She'll be ok. I have every confidence that she will, but she might have to help out her poor old mom a time or two from waxing nostalgic to when she couldn't reach the kitchen sink or didn't brush her own teeth…

Til next time…hope your kids had a good day at school