Three is a fun age.
Kids are learning at an alarming rate and they're developing their own personality and tendencies. They are incredibly sweet and loving one minute and the next you pretty much would like to put them out by the curb with a "free" sign around their neck.
Miss K. is a good kid don't get me wrong. I would choose her over many others. But oh boy does she make you want to smother her with a pillow or smother yourself somedays.
The split personality has taught us a couple things recently and for that I'm grateful.
Last week Big C and I had a bit of a blow out about his treatment of Miss K when she was at her worst.
I know in my heart that he would never hurt her intentionally, but I was getting fearful of the "accident" that might happen in a fit of frustration.
I myself had inadvertently scratched her chin just last week when I picked her up. My fingernail left quite a mark and it probably hurt quite a bit. Pure accident but what would have happened had I been mad or upset?
Some background to the story. Miss K has always been a dream when it comes to going to bed. 8 pm hits and she's off to never never land. No issues, no complaints, often if we're out near the 8 o'clock hour she comments on how tired she is and that she just wants to get home to bed. Awesome right?
Well, as of the last couple weeks or so, she's been a complete pickle when it comes to bed time. All is good til the instant that we go to tuck her in. Then the crying starts. There's no tears, just whining, whimpering, crying etc… for no real reason other than to drive us crazy.
These outbursts come at other times too, but bed time is the worst.
Well, last week Big C had enough. There was a lot of shouting, door slamming and screaming between the two of them. And I saw for the first time a genuine look of fear in Miss K's eyes.
I realized then, this had to stop, how we were dealing with her behaviour had to change. I told Big C that he was scaring me, how long would it be before he hurt her?
Well he went off the deep end, refused to discuss further, wasn't going on the mini vacation we had planned, would leave until Sunday as he wasn't needed etc…
Perhaps poor choice of words on my part. I was more worried about how we were both dealing with Miss K. than fearful. But I also realized that there was nobody, including my husband that was going to put that look of fear on my kids face if I could help it.
It was a pretty quiet night and the next morning wasn't much better. Big C. said he was going into work, we could go away for the night like we'd planned he'd see us later in the weekend.
I said you better tell Miss K why you're not going. And that led to another shouting match, or should I say him saying he didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't supporting him, we didn't want him around, Miss K didn't ever listen to him etc…
Big C can have a temper tantrum. I knew that when I married him, he's never laid a hand on me or our daughter, but 2 or 3 times a year he just loses it, usually something minor puts him over the edge. He's a sensitive guy and I really think he thought that Miss K is deliberately trying to be mean to him.
He loves her dearly and they are the best of friends but often he just doesn't get kids and his patience is tested a little too often somedays. He likes things done when he wants them done, not when a 3 year old gets around to them.
Unfortunately Miss K is a smart kid and she sees she gets a reaction out of her dad and that provokes him which in turn gives her more ammunition to poke the bear some more.
I'm not immune to bursts of temper myself, but there's a little more understanding of preschooler behaviour so I don't tend to crack under the pressure as often.
When all was said and done, we all had a big group hug, we all went on our mini vacation and Big C and I both resolved to be a little more patient with the little person in our house.
It's only been a week, but already there is a big difference. Sometimes you need to be a little more inventive in your tactics to get Miss K to do what you want, some times there requires some more understanding, sometimes you just need to know when to get out of way and let her have her fit and then talk to her when she calms down (or you do).
I keep thinking how would i want my kids teacher, babysitter, coach etc.. to deal with my child's troubles when I'm not there? That's how we want to parent. Firm, authoritative, but compassionate and understanding. You still want to be a parent, but a little patience goes a long way
Til next time, try to resist the urge to put your kids up for sale on ebay when they're bad...
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