I believe I mentioned in a recent post about my desire every now and again to have the slight need to hold a pillow over my kids head, or perhaps see if the travelling circus might want to shoot her out of cannon or something.
Miss K. can drive us positively crazy, she's 3, at the delicate age of almost knowing everything and still wanting mommy and daddy when things go wrong. (I think this lasts now till kids are about 25 doesn't it?) She can turn on the "whine" or the "I can't" chant at the drop of a hat and you flip a different switch and she's back to happy giggly girl. Then there's all the drama on top of that.
She changes moods faster than most kids can eat a popsicle. I know its normal, I know its part of her becoming her own individual person, I know that she is overall a really really good kid, but if you were on the edge of some sort of psychological cliff she might just be able to push you off.
And then on the days when she is in a good amicable mood for the better part of the day, you'd like to find an off or mute switch for her because she never stops talking. Ever. It's continuous babble all day long, she stops to eat and sleep and that seems to be about it.
Miss K. learned to talk early and at barely 3 she's got a vocabulary that rivals some 5 and 6 year olds so I assume that must be part of it. I know we'll long for these days in her teenage years when she says nothing, but holy cow can this kid talk!!
Where I'm going with this post though is somewhere a bit different. Going to where you feel conflicted in your feelings, going to where you think after all is said and done that you might have a good kid after all, going down the somewhat sanctimonious path that you never wanted to tread.
In the last couple weeks we've had occasion to visit/see some other folks and their children or at least hear about their kids. After these visits I feel a little better about Miss K and hope that her almost saintly behaviour continues.
I think that at 3 when she stares in awe at what other kids are doing or what their parents are letting them get away with, I believe it says something. When she asks later why a kid was doing such and such, I wonder if we're doing something wrong or too many parents just don't give a shit anymore? I don't want to pull the holier than thou card, model parents we are not and I never want to be the "sanctimommy" kind.
Some basic manners and civility are all that we ask. I admit Miss K. is still not quite getting the hang of speaking/saying hello when spoken to, but she's working on it. She's overwhelmed and reserved around a whole bunch of new people so it takes a bit of time for the extrovert in her to come out. But she still manages some please and thank you's, a pleasant good bye even if its just a wave and does speak and answer questions with some gentle prodding.
In general she's respectful of other people's property and is conscious of her surroundings and the people in it. She will even ask on occasion if she can look at or touch something that belongs to someone else.
I'm not trying to say my kid is perfect, she's not. I won't say that she's better than someone else's kid either. Every kid is great in their own way. I just wonder where the respect, manners and discipline has gone from our society and kids?
We have friends who have these respectful, kind gentle kids, they are fantastic to be around, you welcome them to your house, you enjoy their company be they 18 months or 18 years.
Then you have friends where the kids are the opposite. They're loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, self centred and you are relieved when you get to send them home or you get to leave.
You don' t think less of the parents, they're your friends/relatives. But you wonder sometimes where it all fell off the rails. Their kids aren't necessarily bad, or hurtful, they are just not pleasant to be around.
Give me a high energy kid who runs and plays hard, but says hello, who makes polite requests, and who is gracious any day. Take the same kid and strip away the respect and grace and you just have annoying.
It makes me feel bad on some level. I don't think all kids are horrible, but I do wonder if maybe some parents are missing the boat. By having a more nonchalant attitude their kids are missing some basic social skills due to their parents neglect. I get that perhaps some have tried to instil these values in their kids and they just ignore them. But, maybe in everyone's rush to be or not be the "helicopter" parent common decency is being missed.
By appearance I would probably be more distrustful of the tall scruffy teen that has 27 piercings and is dressed head to toe in black than the 3 tweens in the latest sweats and jeans. But when the kid in black leather holds open the door for me and says "After you", I'm much more impressed than the 3 tweens spouting endless obscenities and throwing their candy wrappers under my car.
It might be a sort of depression. I am sad that so few people seem to teach kids how to be decent people. Discipline, behaviour and whatever other issues aside, how hard is it to just be respectful of other people?
I will be the first to admit that I can have a fucking awesome trucker mouth at times. But I know when is appropriate and when its not. Some would argue it never is, but swearing a blue streak now and again helps the soul I think. So kids, swear when you are with your friends, swear when you drop your pop and it drenches the dog, but leave it somewhere else when you're at the park and my kid is within earshot or you're at a wedding reception with mostly seniors around.
Say hi when you are spoken to, say please and thank you, if it's not yours don't touch it, if someone asks you to stop doing something, listen to them, hold the door for someone, just be decent and you might be surprised at how people look at you differently.
And to the parents, set some rules and stick to them, ask more of your kids in the realm of politeness and decency and they might surprise you. To those of you who already have great kids, keep up the good work, you give me faith in the world. You are the ones who convince me that all kids don't live under the "do whatever the hell you want" philosophy.
Til next time…be nice to your neighbour and teach your kids the same
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