Summertime and the living is easy, or something like that

June 24th, huh, where did that month go?

Never mind month, where did the school year go? Miss K is darn near done JK. One more day, one more lunch, then summer vacation. Whoo hoo! 

Whoo hoo for no more lunches, but I think our girl is going to miss school a bit. She took some time to adjust but now she's digging everything about it, so I wonder how many days into July we're going to be before she starts asking about school and when she gets to go back.

She loves our sitter and the kids there so that will help, and next week we're going on vacation too. Lots of stuff to keep her busy.

Miss K turned 5 last week. Wow. Five. Crazy stuff. She was super stoked about her birthday too. Basically after Christmas was over she began counting the days until her birthday. Not sure what it is. But she loves birthdays and celebrating them.

Yup, vacation next week, going off the grid for 5 or 6 days. Its always an adventure, we're not really roughing it since we're staying in my father in laws trailer. But there is no electricity, no cell service, no wi-fi, no nothing but the crackle of the campfire and call of the loons. It would drive some people batshit to be without their precious phone or internet or twitter or Facebook for that long, but I kind of look forward to it.

I say kind of, because I can totally dig being outside for the majority of the day, taking in nature, reading a book, going boating or whatever. It's the bugs I could do without. I'm a magnet for anything that stings/bites/devours human flesh. Not looking forward to being surrounded by bug mesh suits or smelling like DEET, but you take the good with the bad.

Not too much else new. The puppy dog is doing well, we've got more time to spend with him this year and get some more training in. Big C is always annoyed that he's not perfect or isn't doing things as quickly as he thinks he should but he's a good dog and I think in time will be spectacular overall.

To those of you who will soon be school lunch free, enjoy it, only about 71 or 72 more days and you are going to have to go through it all again

Til next time…enjoy the sun…I'm loving summer!

5 years in the making

I've had a couple posts started lately but they've never made it to the world wide web.

I'm not really even sure what they were about, or if they were of any substance or just mindless drivel, probably a mix of the two.

So, what is happening? Ehhh, not much really. Work is work, life seems to be a never ending merry go round, kind of the same all the time, but it never stops.

My kid is going to be 5 years old in a couple of weeks. Yup, the big number 5. Cannot believe it, she's grown so much and become her own little person its fantastic and scary all at the same time.

Where did my little tiny baby girl go? She's all legs, and elbows now. She still loves to curl up and snuggle which makes me happy and I hope that never changes. And she gives fantastic hugs without provocation and I hope she always wants to.

Miss K is everything a 5 year old should be. Brimming with confidence and bravado the one minute,  and the next they need you there to hold their hand.

She's a cautious kid for the most part, unsure of herself and what she can and cannot do. We are exhausted listening to her say she "can't" do something and we tell her that all we want her to do is try. Just try. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try and ask for help if you need it.

Her current obsession is making books. She likes to take a bunch of paper fold it in half and staple the edge and then begin making a written and illustrated book about whatever comes to mind.

They're all pretty funny, we've had the "planting" book, the picnic book, my family book, the zoo book and so on. The spelling is atrocious, but in her defence, it is as the words sound for the most part, plus she is only 4 almost 5 years old

I can see that I will have a battle with some teacher down the line as to why they don't crack down on bad spelling and word usage but for now I will let the phonetic spelling slide…I say for now because adults who cannot spell or don't know the difference between "there", "their" and "they're" drive me crazy.

English is a tough language. We have a ton of words that don't get spelled the way they sound and a ton more that are homonyms. I get that its hard to teach all the kids in the class to spell words correctly and that the main goal is to get them writing and expressing their thoughts, but you have to draw a line somewhere. 

If as a kid in 2nd or 3rd grade you can't spell basic words I think we need to take a look at our educational system and stop settling for "good enough" or "well, you know what I'm trying to say", how bout we focus on getting it right for a change.

Sorry district school board, but I'm teaching my kid that there is a difference between pair, pear and pare, or hair and hare or that phone is spelled with a "ph" and not an "f" despite how it sounds. Maybe I am just siko (psycho) but there will be no excuse for poor spelling in our household.

So that is life around our parts. Gotta figure out something to do for the big 5 year old party. We didn't have much of anything last year as we were living in the in between house, maybe have something more fancy this year? And by fancy I mean have a half dozen people over for cake…lol

Better get going and get this posted, or else it will fall in the heap of things written and never quite said out loud on the internet

Til next time...

If a mom yells in your bedroom, does anybody hear?

It seems like forever since I last wrote a blog post. I know I had one started and didn't finish it for one reason or another. Life is like that in some ways, too many things started, not enough finished.

Spring has sprung here. In the form of an inch of snow on the ground this morning when we got up. I call bullshit on mother nature, she is one cruel and tricky lady. Last weekend was gorgeous for the most part especially Saturday, no jacket required if you know what I mean and 4 days later white shit floating from the sky.

Oh well, you can't control the weather. It will get better, as everyone says in about 3 weeks it will be so warm we'll all have the A/C on

We're about the same on the home front. Enjoying the new place more now that it is not under renovation and we have more of the sense that it feels like home. Hard to believe that a year ago at this time we were living under "show" conditions and were needing to keep everything clean and tidy to sell our old place. Weird how a year can just slip by almost unnoticed with a ton of changes in the process.

Miss K and I had it out last night. I couldn't take it anymore. I am so sick of the whining and complaining and crying about anything and everything that I snapped. 

I'd been doing pretty good with not yelling and keeping my temper in check and treating her outbursts with kindness and compassion, but I couldn't do it last night. I cracked and cracked big time.

We've all been getting better in the sleep department and Miss K is having much better nights so that helps us all out. So I know her being overtired was not really the issue, but she was having a night.

Big C was away on business and I picked her up from the sitter as usual. She was in a great mood chattering and talking away about her day. We had a nice chat about things on the drive and even when we got home things were still good. I got around to starting supper and that is when things started to derail.

Miss K is dramatic and emotional, and that is ok, it comes when parenting a girl I think. She is a smart, clever and quick witted child so that is why the whining bothers me so.

She's lost her glue stick, it's not anywhere, I can't find it, I can't finish my craft, on and on at a pitch only most dogs can hear. Then she didn't cut a circle out the right size, or it looked like a heart instead or something of that nature. Then there was no pink paper, and the orange paper wasn't tearing out of her book right it went on and on ad infinitum.

I don't care if she asks for help, does it get annoying? Yes. but it beats the whining and crying all to hell.

After about 20 minutes of meltdown after meltdown I told her to either stop making what she was making or figure it out herself, if you don't have something you want, figure out something else you can  use…pretty simple. She sat for a moment and had a good sulk and came back with a better attitude and made some pretty awesome "earths" for earth day.

We had a great evening and she was very helpful and pleasant over all. Getting ready for bed went smoothly and she was chatty with Big C when we called him before bed. We read some prayers from her prayer book and got her snuggled in with her stuffed friends in bed.

Then the snivelling started. I took a couple deep breaths and told her that she was going to be fine, the lights were on, under the bed was clear, she had her friends, I was downstairs, we would keep each other from being alone, as Big C was the one that was truly alone on this night etc…

Lots more time and lots more hugs and kisses and general stroking of her ego and I left. I had not hit the bottom of the stairs and the crying started.

That was the final straw, it broke this mama camel's back. I am tired of the general lack of wanting to "try" anything, it's just the automated response of "I can't" from her. You can poke, prod, cajole, encourage all you want but this is what she comes back with.

And don't start in how she needs encouragement and we should foster a sense of independence etc… I can write you a list as long as my arm at all the things she does and is brave enough to do that at almost 5 are quite impressive.

It's not a cry for attention, it's not anything I'm sure than just being almost 5, but I can't take it any more. Don't be duplicitous around me, don't get ready for the day, pack your back pack, let the dog in and get him in his crate with cookies, get your coat and shoes on and be standing at the door ready one day and tell me the next you cannot put your milk back in the fridge. I'm not buying that box of cookies from you there girl scout.

I hit the bottom of the stairs and the waterworks started, so I counted to 10 and went and let the dog outside. Sometimes the whining stops and she falls asleep, but no it was escalating. I yelled up the stairs to cut it out and it got worse. I was done, just done with all her crap. 

I yelled at her, a lot. I didn't call  her out and swear and say she was stupid or cut her down or anything, but it was loud and long. 

I told her to cut the crap basically, if there was nothing wrong and she couldn't tell us anything was wrong than stop, stop whining, stop crying, stop generally being douchey. That's all, that this carrying on was all bullshit (not using that term exactly) and there is no way that I can help you if this is what your response to everything is. I said I didn't know what else to do, that I was out of options, being nice and supportive and so on didn't seem to work so what exactly was the problem.

Of course all the yelling just made her cry harder, and she was fearful that I was going to close her door and that is a fate worse than death for her. 

I wouldn't, I'm very mindful of empty threats around her these days, but after the tears had calmed down we had a chat and agreed on a few things

I told her I would try not to yell as she said it was scary. I would not close her door in her room ever and that all crappy behaviour on her part and mine was in the past and thus done and over with and could be forgotten.

She agreed that she'd try to do what we asked, as in what she does most other nights but for some reason cannot manage to do on a consistent basis. She agreed that she would try to figure things out for herself as much as she could and understood that mom and dad were there to help but could not prevent all failures and she'd have to deal with that too.

I knew even as I was doing it that yelling was wrong. But as I told her I didn't know what else to do. We've tried the punishment route, i.e. taking things away for bad behaviour and the reward route of encouraging good behaviour but neither seem to stick no matter how long we carry them out. 

I know last night wasn't the answer, but perhaps it just shocked her enough that she gets it, that I/we really are there to help, but not to shelter her from life. She is a great kid and we tell her that often, and honestly she doesn't seem all that insecure, but the break downs about meaningless things have to stop or I'm going to the loony bin on an express bus.

She was a happy go lucky kid again this morning, and we'll see tonight how things go…maybe we're turning over a new leaf, lets hope for all our sakes its one of warmth and happiness

For now I've told her how grateful I am for her everyday and that she fills my "bucket" with lots of wonderful things and that she should be proud of all the things that she can do and is good at.

Maybe its the only child syndrome of thinking she has to be good at everything, but we can only hope for more peace and less whining at our house

Til next time…give those little people a hug in your life, lord knows they deserve it, even the whiny ones

Life is finally ordinary…for now

Rainy day in these here parts. I wish for a warm spring rain, but today alas is a "it could be snow almost" cold rain. Spring is coming but at a glacial pace. When it does arrive, it will be here for 2.4 weeks and then it will be hot hot hot for the next 5 months.

Hmmm, not much to discuss today. Miss K feeling better after the 250th ear infection she's had this school year. Yes I exaggerate, but it feels like that at least. She had the equivalent of a Denny's Big Slam breakfast yesterday, this is how I know she's feeling better. She is eating us out of house and home. I am very very afraid for the teen years!

On a sad note, Big C's sister had to put their dog down this week. He was 14. He lived a good life, the last years a bit hard on him, but a good life nonetheless. 

These furry friends are in our lives for too short a time. It brought memories of our girl flooding back, how the seizures took her from us long before her time. They all leave such big paw prints on our hearts. They ask for nothing but a little food, some clean water and a warm place to sleep, and give back love that is bigger than any human could offer.

I think our boy knew something was up the other night. Wasn't sure why we all had tears in our eyes. There wasn't huge sobs, just a melancholy feeling in the house. Our pup somehow understood, he sat close to Big C and kept an eye on him most of the night. Somehow sensing he as a fur kid could possibly ease the pain of losing a life that was considered family, even if only a canine life.

Easter is around the corner, and with it the pressure to visit every relative and family member, plus do yard work and other weekend type things. It is nearly worse than Christmas.

We have to take our taxes in to get done too. Yuck. We could do our own…I know we could and save ourselves the 100 bucks to have someone else do it…but, let me think about it for a second…that'd be a no. Can't do it, never have, probably never will. I hate that we have to do it, because in this day and age I think they have a pretty good handle on who is doing what and making what, but whatever.  I will comply with the law and have this necessary piece of evil done by the end of April.

I think that's it. Life is pretty ordinary, which is not a bad thing.

Til next time, HJ Heinz is going to merge with Kraft foods, does that mean that KD will now be sold with the ketchup already in the box? Makes you think right?

Spring will be springing soon

Three more days and it is spring. Officially anyways. I heard that there could be flurries in the next little bit, but spring by the calendar is here as of Friday. I heard a robin this morning, haven't been able to see one of the little orange breasted buggers but they're around so spring cannot be far off.

I'm ready for it. Sure I don't like all the mud and dog poop that suddenly appears after the snow melt, but I'm pretty much done with winter. Yes, I'd hoped to get skiing or sledding just one more time, but it's not to be and that is just fine by me. Bring on the warmer temps!

Even Miss K is kind of over winter. She told me yesterday on the way to the sitter's that she was happy to see the grass again and that she wanted it to be spring. This from a kid who loves the snow more than most says something.

It was cold this year. And it was cold for a long time this winter, not just 3 or 4 days in a row, but an entire month. I think I heard that we averaged a temperature of -15 degrees Celsius in February. That sucks.

Maybe it was because we got away on our vacation in the Caribbean that we now look forward to spring so much, who knows, it can come any time. I'm ready to cut grass, garden, rake, etc…whenever mother nature is ready to shed her woolies.

Speaking of vacation…it was great. Really needed by all of us, and freaking awesome not to have to wear socks for a week.

Miss K already planning the next vacation, she'd like to go to Disney world next she says, then maybe Australia because she would like to see the koala bears. Dream on there my dear child, there is potential for Disney, but you better keep saving your money for that other one.

It's good she likes to travel. Lots of folks asked what we were bringing to keep her busy in the way of toys and such on vacation. Our answer was not much of anything. Then of course they wonder how the kids will ever "play" without their toys.

We brought 3 favourite small stuffed friends for sleeping. A game of go fish, a bag of beach toys and a  few crayons and activity books, that coupled with our iPads kept her busy on the plane and for an entire 7 days of vacation. Never once did we hear "I'm bored" or I need something else to do. Not ever. In fact most of the above other than the beach toy bag were rarely touched.

Miss K had fun just enjoying vacation. No forced stimuli, just her own imagination and being in the moment. Maybe other kids need their "stuff" but not our girl, she seized the experience and went with it and for that I'm grateful.

In general things are going good. We are still lacking sleep. Miss K has her third ear infection in as many months so nights are brutal to say the least. Plus, she still has some sort of issue with getting back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, it is wearing me down. And now that Big C is back with us most nights instead of travelling the province, he probably wishes for a hotel bed now and again for some peace and something close to 8 hours sleep.

I've done pretty good not yelling (other than at the dog) over the last number of months, but I lost it last week. Big C was away and Miss K was carrying on about 2 in the morning and I couldn't take it anymore. No amount of compassion or understanding was making any headway, so…I blew. I yelled at her. Quite a bit actually, not a scary yell, but a get your f#$%ing attention yell. 

She came around after that. Almost like a shock to the system and she re-set to zero and that was that. Much better nights followed, until the g.d. ear infection came back.

It will be off to the ER again tonight for some more antibiotics, hopefully this time it kills everything. Poor kid, she cannot seem to catch a break, I don't think she's been healthy since before xmas.

The dog is enjoying the warmer weather. He loves the snow, but I think spring might really be his thing. Caught him last night playing in a big puddle. Just putzing around, poking at things with his nose and paws having a grand old time.

He's really really annoying at times, but like a kid they redeem themselves. He'll come over at night and just sit there with his head in your lap and look at you with his puppy dog eyes and you'll melt a little in your heart. Only a little because before that he's tracked mud through the entire ground floor, knocked over a glass with his tail, and dropped his somewhat slobbery bear in your lap for the 37th time so you will throw it for him.

If I can get some sleep in the next little while I will write more, but for now I just feel like having a nap

Til next time….zzzzzz!

The fine line between compassion and crazy

I'm starting to determine that the line between compassion and crazy is a fine one. Very fine, razor thin if you ask me. The line between being a caring and compassionate parent and one who is completely cuckoo for cocoa puffs is a tricky one indeed.

Miss K is going to split me in two. I know I'm doomed to fail, its inevitable.

In the last 2 weeks there has not been one night, not a single one, that she has not been up in the middle of the night about something numerous times.

They applaud you when you have a baby that is 3 months old and they sleep through the night, no one says anything when you have an almost 5 year old  that does not.

Once a night to go pee, or get a drink or something of that nature is fine. We're usually getting up anyway. And there is always the bad dreams, she has a least one nightmare per week. The screams in the night would peel paint off the walls in most places they're so horrifying.

But she's wearing me down with the other stuff. The shrill cries of "Mommy, Daddy, Mommy Daddy" awaken you and you fly to her room thinking there is something urgent, but it's "I'm too hot, I can't find my blanket/duck/sock etc… that greet you. Seriously?

But the worst is the crying for no reason. Let's take for example that she has been up for a very valid reason. She's had a cold/ear infection so sometimes needs a drink or top up of meds mid sleep. No problem, I've got enough compassion that I see where she's coming from.

Then you tuck her back in bed, and are no sooner settled when the whimpering starts, if you let it go on long enough it becomes a full on cry with real tears.

You go in and ask what is wrong. No answer. Does something hurt? No answer. Why are you crying? No answer. Do you need something? Nothing. Just a wide eyed stare and a trembling lip. Are you scared? No response. Why didn't you do like we asked and try to go back to sleep? Still nothing.

We do pretty good until about 3 or 4 in the morning then all the b.s. starts. I say b.s. because a big part of me feels she's playing us. 

I think she's gotten into a habit, and its a pattern she can't break out of. She may very well be awake at 3 am and having a tough time going back to sleep, but I am not going to get up and entertain her. You lay in your bed and be quiet…that is all I ask, just be quiet. You don't have to sleep, you can sing quietly to yourself or whatever soothes you. If she was a little older I would suggest she read for a while.

But for the love of God, please stop crying and whimpering. You are killing both myself and your dad there Miss K.

LIke some brutal separation anxiety you've taken into your soul and cannot let go. I feel so horribly bad for her and sympathize with sleepless nights. And even part of me wonders if there is not something else going on in that little pea brain of hers….but she says there's nothing wrong that she can think of…other than she can't fucking sleep. (my words, not hers)

All I ask is one night that I can get 7 hours of sleep….just one, because in the last 2 weeks I'm averaging about 6 hours a night…and I'm going to bed at 9:30 or 10, so that should tell you something.

At least Big C is around now….not on the road so much so we get to take turns getting up to see which "wolf" Miss K is crying about now. Not that you get to sleep any more, but at least you get to stay in bed.

Both of us lost it on Saturday morning, we got mad at her. Which we knew was the wrong thing to do, because she was upset to start with. But the idiocy of it all got to us. She's really really tired, but yet she cannot get to sleep, there's nothing wrong, yet she cries uncontrollably. 

It's enough to drive you to drink, or seriously consider drugging your kid so they will just sleep til a reasonable hour. Even if you do crawl in bed with her or take her into your own bed, she still wakes up at ungodly hours, so its not just a comfort thing.

If she would just say that she needs to snuggle or that she's scared of the dark, or being alone or something. It's the silence that bothers me the most, not knowing what is going on in her head.

I would think that its a night time thing only, except she does it in the afternoon too. On weekends when its been a particularly rough night we insist on a nap, both for our own sakes and hers. And she pulls the same shit then too, whiny, snivelling, half cry, half sigh crap that drives you crazy  in a hurry.

We're going on vacation in few days. Hoping that breaks the cycle…severs the tie and we start over from scratch.

She's always been an excellent sleeper, and we've always laughed that even at almost 5 she still calls out for us when she needs to go get a drink or have a pee. 

You second guess yourself, thinking that perhaps there was a way we could have instilled more independence in her. She's fully capable of middle of the night trips to the washroom but yet she doesn't do it.

Why now? Why can she not get it through her head that she is fine and we're right down the hall? Why this strange attachment and anxiety?

She is fiercely independent in so many things, but cannot seem to get by this one right now.

I say right now as i know that it is only a stage and we'll get through it. At least I think we will…the fleeting thoughts of holding pillow over her head or mine are getting more frequent…I'm just kidding for all those busy bodies who think I would even think about seriously harming my child…

I pray we figure out what is going on with her and I pray for more sleep…

Til next time…sweet dreams

p.s. we had a night last night with no wake ups…things are looking up, or at least a little more restful

Snow, life skills and making the most of winter

Depending on which ground hog you believe in, we could either have spring in a few weeks, or have a lot more winter. I'm going to go with the latter.

We got a dumping of snow yesterday, more in the forecast and no sign of any temperature above zero. 25 more days and we're heading out to our vacation. With any luck we might be on the friendlier side of winter when we get back.

The cold I can always do without. But we did make the most of the winter over the weekend. My girl totally kicked it skiing on Saturday and we braved some high winds and snow on Sunday for some sledding (or tobogganing if you're old school).

Miss K was super keen on the ski thing, not sure at first if it was because of the promise of going out for supper after, but after a few runs she totally got into the groove and loved it. She still doesn't have the best speed control but aside from that she did awesome, really really good compared to last year. 

We went last February and I think did about 8 runs over the course of 2 hours. She whined and complained and lots of 3 years old going on 4 drama.

This Saturday was different, yes, she did have a bit of melt down after she had a good face plant wipe out, but aside from that she was all smiles and eagerness. There was even a few " I want to go skiing tomorrow" comments, which was great to hear.

Not that we're going to insist that she ski all winter or even that she keep with it, just that she was really really happy doing it. 

I or I should say we only insist that she take swimming lessons until she's competent in the water, other than that I don't care if she takes a gymnastics/dance/water polo/golf/ski/baton/piano/basket weaving lesson in her entire life. 

Neither Big C or I will be that "pressure parent" that has their kid overbooked every week in a dozen activities. Childhood is too short and a kid should be able to follow their loves and have time to play. Just play, not structured organized play either, just grab some sticks and dirt, or scissors glue and paper and do what comes naturally to them.

I'm not going to say that Miss K will never take a class or be "in" something, but all in good time I say. 

Swimming to us is a life skill, we're outdoorsy type folks and much of our spare time revolves around water in some form and Miss K will be able at some point to swim competently. No need for olympic level swim team, just adequate swimming skills to be able to survive if in water over your head so to speak

But it was encouraging to hear her say how happy she was to ski. Big C and I both love it and its one thing that makes winter tolerable. If Miss K were to love it too, I could see many a weekend afternoon cruising the hills and riding the chair lifts with my two greatest loves in tow.

Winter is here and it's snowy, might as well make the most of it before its gone, which as I mentioned I'm hoping it is soon after we get back from vacation. There are too many snow days and bus cancellations for the kids anymore. We've had 4 or 5 days of bus cancellations already this year…out of 20 possible instructional days so far fully 1/5th to 1/4 of them have been compromised by a lack of bus students or all out school closures. I realize you can't control mother nature, but when the sun is shining and its clear by 9:30 in the morning, would getting the kids to school a bit late be such a bad thing?

I'm all for safety and such, but I sometimes think we've crossed the line and become a nation of fear mongers and scared nelly's that 4 snowflakes constitutes a state of emergency. There's a lot of b.s. as far as I'm concerned, but I'm not going to fight the system, I don't have the time or the energy. Just don't bitch to me when little Johnny still can't read when he's in Grade 4. (not that I'm saying snow days are the sole cause of this either)

I did have the guilty pleasure of clearing snow with the ATV yesterday. It's still a pain in the ass, especially when you have to get up at 5 in the morning to do it, but way more fun than shovelling for sure. Less tiring and more satisfying to push a big pile of snow out of the way in 30 seconds, knowing it would have taken you 10 minutes to do the same with a shovel.

I need the exercise this is true, but our driveway is a heart attack waiting to happen if you know what I mean. We're talking 4 hours of snow blowing at a minimum, so I wouldn't even want to think what shovelling would take

Hmmm, the dog took me out at the knees on the weekend. I zigged, he zagged and his butt landed square behind my knees and I went down hard. Really, really hard, so bad I needed a minute to lie there and evaluate the situation before I got my ass up. Speaking of my ass and back, its still really sore, sitting is a killer as everything stiffens up. It's getting better, but I'm glad I'm not 20 years older, I probably would have broken a hip

Winter carries on and so does life, til next time…make the most of the snow if you have it