A sad anniversary

I can't hardly believe its been nearly a year. In another couple days it will be one year since we had to say goodbye to our Mudpuppy.

Thinking about her even now brings tears to my eyes, and a big lump in my throat. She lives in my heart each and every day and her picture a fixture in our house, even our in between house that we're living in for the next 4 weeks.

On one hand I'm sad, so deeply saddened that she had to go. Miss K still asks why our girl had seizures and unfortunately I'm never going to be able to answer her. Sometimes things just are the way they are and there's nothing we can do about it. 

I wonder sometimes how genuine Miss K is when she says she misses her, but I see the relationship she has with our new pup and to some degree believe that in her heart she still misses her too.

I get angry sometimes too. It wasn't fair to our girl, those horrible seizures that would most often attack in the middle of the night. They ravaged her body, mind and spirit in a way that we couldn't fix. 

I'm pissed that she didn't get to live out her full dog life, she didn't get a chance for more of the fun stuff that she loved to do, more time with us.

Yup, I know it's just a dog. It's not like it was Miss K or something that is gone. But, to me it still sucks.

Not on a large scale life altering/threatening scale that some endure every day. I'm not debating first world and third world problems. 

Anyone who's had a dog, cat, horse or whatever that you really bonded with, gets where i'm coming from. It doesn't compare to loss of human life or suffering I won't suggest that. It's a different kind of hurt when you've bonded with an animal that expects nothing more than food, water and a kind word or pat to the head.

Our Mudpuppy taught me more about compassion/loyalty and friendship than we ever taught her about obedience, hunting or retrieving. She had a special soul for sure.

Our new guy eases the hurt a bit. He's sweet in a different way and convinced he's a kid in a puppy's body some days. Miss K and I love him to death. Big C is getting there, he thought he was really ready to have another dog but losing his best hunting buddy to something so sinister really cut him deep.

He'll get there, the pup will win him over one day I'm almost sure of it. Big C has to remember this isn't our Mudpuppy and change his expectations. He's a good dog and though will never replace our girl, he will be an equal companion, friend and hunting buddy in time to all of us.

I miss you old girl. I know you're out there somewhere, doing all the things you loved the best. I think of you often and miss you every day. Hoping you are making someone very happy across that rainbow bridge of life and that we'll see one another again one day

I sort of thought I wouldn't still miss her so much, but those who leave a mark on your heart are there forever

Til next time…give your kids a hug for me, be they the 2 legged kind or the furry kind

No fixed address

As of yesterday at about 3:30 pm we are officially homeless. Maybe homeless is a bad word to use, we have a roof over our head and a place to eat and sleep, but we have no fixed address for the next 5 or so weeks. 

It's a weird feeling. I've always had a permanent residence. Even when I rented in college I still considered "home" my mom's place.

It was a weird day yesterday. It was my 42nd birthday and we were leaving our home of almost 7 years. Bittersweet is an understatement.

Oddly, I wasn't all that emotional yesterday. Sad yes. But overly sentimental no.

However, the other day we had to go back to our old house from our "in between house" to give Kaitlyn a bath. (The plug in the tub didn't work correctly at our in between house, and being a stat holiday nothing was open to fix it so off we went to where the plumbing functioned the way it should.)

We got back and it was like a rush of memories hit me at once. Big C and I moved in there before we were married so it was a lot of big life events that happened there. Our Mudpuppy came to live with us after the marriage, we had Miss K, we painted, we renovated, we got our new pup and so on

It all hit me in wave after wave of reminiscence. Like every step I climbed up to get to the bathroom was another year of nostalgia whacking me in the head and heart. I was choked up by the time I got to the top of the stairs

I know its only a house and our family is really where "home" is but it's difficult just the same. You look around and see things and the good and bad memories that went along with it.

Crazy stuff. I will miss the house, so many things that I really loved about it, but in many ways it didn't work for us anymore and thus it is time to move on.

We had a good chat with the neighbours we were closest with yesterday too which helped. We wish we could take them with us, but we're only going to be across town, so I suspect we'll see them at the grocery store a time or two.

Miss K doing ok with the change I think. It is the only house she's ever known and she was a little sad about having to leave, but very very happy that she gets to bring all her stuff with her. I think she was a little worried that the new people were going to use her toys or something and sit on our couch and so on. Kind of funny, but cute as she's 3.

I think the dog is confused. Happy that we're there, but confused a little bit as to why we don't have a big backyard anymore and he doesn't have a deck to sit on and survey the neighbourhood.

In time it will be good. It's good now, but more memories and good times to be had at the new house.

I will miss you old house, you will be in my heart along with the few other places that I've lived. Thanks for the memories, and I hope the new people treat you well

Til next time…when I tell you tales of living in the in-between house

Sleep. It does a body good.

Just over a week to M-Day. That is moving day for those of you who don't know.

Moving all our crap out of a house we've been in for about 7 years. Actually, not moving all the crap, we have to move some of it this weekend to our "in between house" where we're going to live for 5 weeks.

It's good we have a place to live while we have no fixed address, but sucks kind of living in limbo for that long.

I keep having sporadic panic attacks that we don't have enough packed, or we have too much or something along those lines. 

The mental and physical lists of what we need for the in between place and what we really don't need are piling up everywhere.

My head hurts just thinking about everything. 

At least I'm sleeping better. I was sure that a truck hit me last week. It sure felt like it.

I'd had one night of Big C being away and sleeping with one ear open, not to mention a brain in overdrive thinking all sorts of crazy moving stuff.

Then one night it was Miss K with the shriek that would peel paint off the wall about 2 am. Heart rate goes from 50 beats per minute to 250 beats per minute in about 1 second. Took forever to calm her down and us too.

The next night Miss K was complaining of a sore ear that no amount of drugs seemed to soothe. Then she upchucked at about 3 in the morning and that ended that night of sleep.

The next night was waiting at the local emergency room to have Miss K's ear looked at. Home for supper at 9 pm, bed about 11 or so. Thankfully no serious ear infection, we didn't even end up filling the script for antibiotics.

I believe there was one normal night of slumber, then we moved to Big C being up in the middle of the night retching up his guts. He'd caught whatever stomach bug ailed Miss K for 24 hours. 

If the screams from Miss K tops the list of sounds in the night I hate the most, Big C puking up his innards would be a close second. Both are the most ungodly noises you'd ever want to hear.

So that was a fun week of about 5 hours of sleep a night. I shouldn't complain, I wasn't sick, my mom superpowers shielded me from whatever nasty bug was going around and so far I've still not succumbed. But a human body really needs more sleep than that, especially one that is supposed to care for these sick and ailing people plus pack boxes and do laundry and stuff, I need more rest.

I think I've had 3 decent nights of sleep and let me tell you it does wonders for a person. I can think clearly, I don't have the sense that I've really really fucked something up along the way and I don't feel like I've been run over by a freight train. It's a good feeling.

So, we're into the home stretch for leaving our house. I'm not sure if I'm going to be emotional or not about leaving. It's probably good that its a quick transition to something different. Already it feels different, no pictures on the walls, boxes and crap everywhere. 

I will miss it, but it's just a shell for all the memories. Our mudpuppy has been gone for almost a year now, I'm thinking it might be good that we're not there on the anniversary, might make it a little easier without the visual reminders.

We'll carry on, the in between house will be just that, a quick transitional place to lay our head for a while and an interesting story years down the road.

It should all be good, as long as there's a few good nights sleep in there

Til next time…wish me luck that i don't pack anything that I actually do need over the course of 6 "gypsy" weeks

Sold! And now the panic sets in

Well that was interesting. 

I guess I shouldn't have worried about how long I was going to have to keep the house clean for agent showings.

Our house sold in 10 days. 8 showings, 1 realtor/agent tour and that was that. We got an offer Friday night and by Saturday afternoon sold sign on the front lawn.

What was so hard about that?

The house looks like a bomb went off in it now. Partly because we are so relieved not to have to vacuum at 7 in the morning anymore and partly because we're frantically packing.

Our closing date on the house is just over 3 weeks away, and guess what? We don't have anywhere to live.

The sellers of the place that we want to buy said that 30 days would be enough time, which takes us to the end of May, we would have even given them June 1st.

Now, going back on their word they say they can't be out until the end of June.

Bullshit, I say. They have another place to go, but they don't want to.

I think they were surprised that we sold so fast and were not prepared for us to request a closing so quickly.

Apparently they have a family wedding mid June that they want the house for, so many memories, it's where the kids grew up, yada, yada, yada.

OK, I get it, from a sentimental standpoint I really do get it. But they could have said that up front. Let us know the earliest they could close was late June, but no, they like to drop these little bombs on us.

It's funny the more we hear about the seller the more we hear he's a first class a-hole, but what can you do? We're officially homeless in 3 weeks or so…not fun.

So now the panic to pack, find a mover that isn't outrageously expensive to store our stuff for a month and find somewhere to live.

There's a lot of reluctance to rent to anyone short term and I get that, I fear we're going to be camping somewhere in a trailer for 5 weeks.

Oh well, Miss K will probably like it, and as long as we can keep everyone together, including the dog, well then it will probably be ok.

Til next time…I hope we're not going to be living in the boxes that we're using for packing

Is it every really clean enough?

So I ask myself every day now, is it clean enough?

We put our house on the market a week ago and the need to keep it clean is nearly driving us crazy.

How clean is too clean and how clean do you need to be?

We decluttered and stored, and threw away and donated. We fixed, we glued, we trimmed we did all the things you need to do to stage your home for sale.

We vacuum almost hourly it seems. Dusting while folding laundry, not with the clean laundry just yet, but I've been known to use already in the laundry items to tidy up the dust factor on something else.

It's almost impossible to live like this for long.

I do confess I kind of like the lack of clutter, the absence of extra stuff. It's nice being able to put my feet up on the coffee table without having to shove aside 4 lbs of Miss K's crap. 

The dishes are always done, the floors swept, the bathrooms tidy. Laundry folded promptly and put away, it's kind of refreshing in a way, but also exhausting.

Yesterday it was the mad scramble in the morning because someone had decided the evening before they needed to see our house the next day. What?? 11 am?? Do you not have a job, do you not sleep at night? Why are you giving us less than 24 hours notice? Is this a test?

Funny to watch Big C dust at 6:30 in the morning though. 

I think Miss K is tired of it already, she wants to keep stuff out to play with and we're hurriedly running after her to put it all away again lest the piles get too big and we can't control the clutter.

We're keeping our fingers crossed for a quick resolution to our neat nightmare. Maybe someone will love our clean house enough to want to buy it and then maybe just maybe we can let the dust fall where it may for a little while

Til next time…let me know where you can buy Swiffers and Mr. Clean at a discount

Maybe just maybe

Maybe just maybe a change is coming. Not a huge life altering change, but living somewhere different is big enough.

We're going back to a house we saw a week and a half ago, to have another look. We think it might fit the bill. A little more space a ton more storage. 

It's not a huge house, but offers that little bit of extra room so that we aren't feeling quite so cramped. A big barn that can house the boat and the decoys and the camping/fishing/outdoor gear. Room to expand and add another garage so that we can put vehicles inside. Room for Miss K to play and still have an adult space away from the "toy room" 

There's renovations needed. That's why we're going back for another look. A check to make sure that we're not delusional and we're missing some big roadblocks. 

A check to make sure that we're not crazy after all these years of looking and this might actually work for us. 

I'm both scared and excited. That unique combo of both emotions. Hanging on that edge of a cliff or railing wondering if you're going to jump off into the great unknown and something new, or if some cruel hand of fate is going to push you back on your ass and reality will come crashing down.

So many what ifs and how are we's to think about. 

We're trying not to stress, trying to take each day as it comes, trying to keep realistic and not rush or hurry anything along the way.

If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. My one hope is that it will happen and be done or not done before school starts for Miss K.

Poor kid doesn't need too much change in her life, all in one fell swoop

Til next time, keep some extra boxes handy for us

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days?

Not a bad day, not a good day, not even a day where you weren't feeling well. Not a day where you were pissed at the world. Not a day where the world was pissed at you.

But a day where every single little thing that happened, you found annoying?

Everything that was said or done or whatever occurred you found batshit irritating?

I had one yesterday. It really tested my patience.

Every single thing annoyed me.

The way the sun catchers rattled on the door. The way my car is always covered in salt and dirt these days. The way my pants fit. The way people drove. The way the dog wouldn't go pee when we were getting ready to leave for the day.

Everything grated on me the wrong way. It was one of those days, that I think if I suffered from migraines, I would have a had a doozy coming on.

Miss K asks about 300 questions a day, sometimes more, yesterday I actually asked her to stop asking questions because it was getting to me.

I always encourage questions, one because I always like enriching her life and filling her head with knowledge. And I like the questions because its funny how a little kids head works at times.

But i couldn't take it anymore yesterday. Enough was enough and I actually asked her to stop asking so many questions. This of course was followed with a "Why?" but I sort of asked for that.

My patience suffered greatly. I found just about everyone to be  annoying. It was a tough day. 

I wasn't angry with anything or anyone. It wasn't even a particularly bad day on any front. 

I tried not to be cranky or crusty. I tried to get past it all, but I couldn't shake it.

Even the fact that I couldn't get the blind in our bedroom to stay down threatened to send me over the edge.

Any more little tiny annoying things and I thought my head might just explode. I think I must have reached my annoyance limit and yesterday triggered a reset.

Today I feel pretty good. No major issues. No irritating occurrences as of yet.

I'm sure we've all been there but it was all day long, all stinking day…that I had no patience and my irritability was running on high

Oh well, today is another day, Friday, sunny, looking much more rosy than yesterday at least

Til next time…may the little things not piss you off