Taking the bad with the good

It's Friday! That in itself is always a good thing. We've got some summer like weather on the cusp of fall so that is good too. There's a chance of rain, which kind of sucks but we need the rain so can't complain too much!

Lots of reasons to be in a positive mood. Miss K. made a kick ass card for her dad's birthday this week. Her and I had signed and stickered a store bought one on the weekend, but this was way better.

I have no idea how long it took her but she nailed it. She spent a lot of time and bless our sitter's heart she had a lot of patience. My 3 year old kid printed out "Happy Birthday Daddy" and signed her name on a sheet of paper she cut out with "fancy" scissors. She drew a cake with candles, and though I'm still not totally sure I think the other things were meant to be balloons.

I don't like to show that kind of stuff off too much lest i become "that parent" but this was fantastic. Will post a pic so you can see. Yes, I'm sure that there are 3 year olds out there with much better writing or even working on their SAT's but it was awesome in my books.

So, that was cool, Big C's birthday was understated, but we had supper and cake together and opened presents, so not much more you could ask for.

But, that being said there's been a tinge of sadness on the edge of life these days. 

Some of it is still missing puppy dog, she loved the fall so much, the cooler weather brought more of a spring to her already bouncy step.

No, its other stuff so profoundly sad it just creeps into your everyday thinking whether you like it or not…

There was a girl I went to high school with, we weren't great friends, maybe not even friends, more acquaintances, ah hell, I didn't care for her all that much truth be told, but she lost her husband last week. He hung himself, leaving behind her and 2 kids.

He'd battled depression for a few years, but everyone said he seemed a bit better lately. Perhaps it was just an illusion to make it seem less awful. A disguise of deeper more debilitating despair that he couldn't deal with.

No matter my feelings toward her in our much younger days, no one deserves that, no one deserves to lose the one they love that way. No one deserves to have to explain to their kids why dad is no longer coming home. 

I can only imagine the sense of utter loss and emptiness, and if that weren't enough, the additional questions/guilt of how you may have been able to prevent it, help in some way, something or anything to stop such a horrible ending to life.

Then there's the extended family member that has decided that they're going to end their marriage after 17 years. There's just no love left they say. Well doesn't that just paint a pretty picture for the rest of us.

You may be in love now, but give it time folks and you'll end up hating your significant other. I mean we all probably hate our spouses on any given day or a given moment, but its fleeting.

I guess it makes me sad because our wedding anniversary is coming up. It's 6 years for us…but the prospect of feeling the way this other couple did in another 10 years or so just sucks.

It doesn't give me much faith in the world or in society. I wonder if we are under so much pressure that we just give up? Do we think we have to be perfect or else we're nothing? 

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a rainbows and buttercups sort of person. I'm not the eternal pessimist by any means but I think of it as more a realist with hope for the betterment of all.

I really want to see the good in things, I cheer for the underdog, I really do try to treat my neighbour as I'd want to be treated and so on and so on. 

Sometimes things just seem bleak. Like everything and everybody has lost their way a little bit. There's good things happening out there, but they just don't  seem to brighten the rest.

We're struggling to find a new place to live, that is in our price range, a reasonable commute to work, good school prospects for Miss K and so on and that search is frustrating to say the least.

We're struggling to find a way to get another dog into the house. I don't want to and we can't do the little puppy stage with us being gone from home so long everyday. But to find a more mature dog is a task in itself too.

So many challenges in life, and they're little compared to some, but they wear on you after a while. You want to give up, but something just keeps you forging on, working for something new and better

I guess that is maybe all we have…hard work and the hope that the dogged perseverance will pay off someday, or maybe it is paying off, I'm just not able to see it right now…

Til next time…enjoy the last bit of summer weather, it's probably all downhill from here...

Things are changing??

I wasn't sure what I was going to write about today. I think the topic is going to be "change". Not loose change you find in your pocket, which is awesomely cool and definitely worth mentioning, but rather change as in something different.

The weather this week is something different every day let me tell you. Tuesday we broke record highs all over the place with it feeling like 40+ degrees Celsius. About 105 Fahrenheit for the old schoolers out there. Today its about 14°C or 55°F for a high. Today is Friday people. We went from sit by the pool and sweat your ass off weather to OMG better put on a jacket weather in less than 3 days.

We had the awesome thunderstorms to prove it. Fantastic light show, hail, wind, some funnel cloud spotting. Miss K wanting to change spots with me at the dinner table so she could watch the hail on the deck!

Pretty volatile and incredible, but changeable weather in September in this part of the country is nothing all that new. 

There's no change in the day job which on one hand is a good thing. Job security is a wonderful thing.

But no change on the side of there being no work, well that's another thing entirely. I'm about ready to put needles in my eyes I am so bored.

I like to work at a pace that puts many in the dust. I'm not trying to prove anything, I'm not trying to show anybody up. That's just who I am. I work quickly, efficiently and I stick with it. I get in a zone and stay there for the most part.

But, we're nowhere even close to having enough to do to reach a "zone" Hell, we're not even close to a district/province or territory let alone a "zone". It's awful, I know it will pick up, but I hope to God it's not after there's been lay offs or downsizing. We've got the dept. set with a good number of people and it feels like family so we don't want that to change.

At home no big changes with Miss K. She's testing with the back talk or attitude thing right now, which I tend to ignore, but it does get annoying at times. 

Big C goes crazy when she does it, he tries to ignore it too, but doesn't always do too well, which he's trying to change.

Miss K is getting tall and changing into more of a little girl than toddler or preschooler. Size 4T pants seem like they may not make it through the winter she's getting so tall. 

We're still searching for another house to live. And we're still not getting anywhere with it. Big C has one that he kinda likes, but we're still way off in price. As in we can't afford anything close to what they are asking. Always seems we've got champagne taste and a beer budget.

Plus, all I see are $ signs for stuff we have to change if we moved in there. I'd pay that kind of money if it was perfect from the start but not when there's 25 grand in reno's or additions to do.

So, we still keep looking, with the change being that we actually might find something!

Soon it will be time to change the clocks, turning them back to standard time, which means it will be dark even earlier now…yuck.

Change is inevitable, be the change you want to be in the world, things never change, the sayings and clichés go on and on

For me, I'd just like to find some spare change…till next time

The Great Outdoors

I feel some small part of me may not be Canadian. I'm at least a 3rd or 4th generation pure Canadian, but I think some part of my being may belong to another country.

I don't have the camping gene. The need/want to stay in a tent in the great outdoors, usually on a long weekend and near 100 other people and about 10000 different bugs.

No, I'm not a girly girl who needs her comforts of home. I can pee in the bush with the best of them, and could care less if I have TV, cell phone or wi-fi at my disposal. The lack of a hot shower gets annoying at times but I can survive.

But some small part of me just doesn't enjoy it. I don't know why, it just is this way.

Miss K. has been bugging us for ages to go camping. She wanted so badly to have a campfire, sleep in a tent and all the other things that go along with it.

We figured with it being labour day weekend we better get to it or it would be next summer before we'd be able to even consider it. We'd purchased a new and bigger tent just recently so why not try it out.

Maybe its all the work that goes into one night of tenting that I don't like? We did nothing but get stuff ready Friday night and Saturday morning. Granted if we camped more often some of the stuff would be more readily available, but my what a pain in the ass.

We wanted to take the boat along too as we were going to be near a large bay so that was added stuff that Big C had to dig out of storage.

On a positive note, we were going to be nowhere near a public campground. Definitely not my idea of fun, with your neighbours tent about 2.5 feet from yours, defeats the purpose of getting away from it all in my books.

Fortunately, we have a couple of friends who have rural properties that lend themselves well to outings like this and that is where we were going to be spending the night, not with partying teens or screaming kids, but somewhere that was actually remote.

Back to my complaints, there's too many bugs. Bugs and me have never got along, extended times in the outdoors never bode well for me even with buckets of bug spray. I'm guessing bathing in a vat of DEET wouldn't help, I'm just a tasty snack for the insects we encounter.

I hate being damp/moist/dewy whatever. Your pillow is damp, your clothes are damp everything just has a certain amount of moisture to it after a night of camping out. 

It's gross. I've been camping where you have to wear a hat and mitts at night its that cold. You can see your breath in the tent if you get my drift, that doesn't bother me, not ideal, but you can cope. It's the damn moisture. You roll over and the pillow at night feels like a wet wipe, not really wet, but it sure as hell ain't dry.

Putting on your clothes is another one, hey lets put on some undergarments that feel like they might grow mold at any minute. Fun? I think not.

We do have a tent now that I can at least pretty much stand  up in to get dressed so that is a bonus and eliminates one of my other complaints of trying to get clothes on while lying on a sleeping bag.

So, I go camping, but part of me hates it just a little bit. Not enough to refuse to go, but enough that it will never be a monthly thing. 

It does make it so much better when your kid had a total blast. Miss K. I think is made for camping. She maybe has a bit of whatever native blood Big C has left in his ancestry, I'm not sure but she took to it like a fish to water.

There was at least 200 extra questions on top of her daily total of 400, but it was good. The look of sheer joy on her face standing by the campfire or in her bed in the tent was enough to make any camping hater just a little softer in the heart.

There was stuff her 3 year old mind just couldn't comprehend, like why we had to take our garbage back home with us in the truck, but others like removing her footwear before going in the tent was second nature.

We had fun, it was nice to sit with Big C after we'd tucked the rugrat in and just talk and watch the crackling fire, listening to the 10 million crickets and other creatures of the night.

It was only one night but it was an escape from the everyday. No chores, no phones, no tv, no shopping, no errands no nothing but hanging out with one another and just having fun.

There are so many things you can give your kid without spending a lot of cash, this was one of those times. She learned lots, had fun, got dirty, laughed and slept hard. What more could you ask for in life?

Til next time…maybe I will have stopped scratching my bug bites...

Summer is ending and that makes me sad

Summer is almost gone, I guess technically we still have til the 21st of September but when the kids go back to school it's just about over in my books.

Yes, in this part of Canada, we can still have some pretty toasty weather for all of September, but we can also have some pretty darn crappy and cold weather too.

September kind of has a dual personality, hot like summer, or winter's foreshadowing cousin, it all depends.

The end of August always makes me think back to being a kid and how long summer seemed to be. July always seemed to pass pretty quick, maybe because that seemed to be the month we might have went to the beach or a cottage.

But August would come about sometimes and you'd think, wow, we've still got 4 weeks before school starts, what are we going to do? 

It was more days spent at the local swimming hole, or more baseball games or more whatever.

When I got older and started having a summer job, I thought of all the extra cash I  would have because summer seemed to stretch out for ages.

Now, it's more like where the hell did summer go? Seems like just a couple weeks ago that Miss K was turning 3, but that was June and we're way past that now.

You never seem to have a enough time to get all the things done that you want to in summer. 

I've been scraping and painting our front railing this year, now its a scramble to get some painting in before it gets dark after Miss K goes to bed. If I don't complete it soon, I'm only going to be able to paint on the weekends, unless I get some good spotlights.

Since puppy dog left us for dog heaven, I've been biking as well as walking in the morning, but that will end soon, it's barely light out at 6:30 in the morning and I'm just not die hard enough to put lights on my bike and try to ride in the inky blackness.

We wanted to take Miss K fishing, tenting and get her to one of the local beaches this year too. Have we done any of the above? Hmmm, nope. We're thinking of doing the tent thing this weekend, but not sure where as I don't want to be within a mile of any provincial park or campground. Tenting isn't my thing at the best of times, I don't need 1000 other people around while I do it.

No more lazy afternoons or evenings sitting outside reading or watching Miss K just play.  No more getting 3 loads of laundry dry on the line in one day. No more picnics/snacks outside.

Soon the weather will be too cold/miserable for any of the above. Yes, eventually it will be replaced by things like sledding, skiing, snowman making etc…but I still say summer is over too soon.

Big C loves the fall as its the signal for the start of his beloved waterfowl hunting season and the annual moose hunt. Not so sure how excited he is going to be with our mud puppy not part of the hunting scene and he will probably miss summer a little bit too.

My challenge will be convincing Miss K that its a good thing that she's not going to school this year. She's bound and determined that she can go sometime soon, I'm thinking next week might be a shocker for her…

Til next time…do whatever summer thing you love best!

Screams in the night

Oh boy, some sleep would be good. Maybe a lot of sleep. But some definitely, more than i got last night would be helpful for sure. 

Dragging my ass all over the place today, a hot chocolate and double chocolate donut is not doing anything to perk me up. It's going to be a lo-o-o-o-ong day

For starters I haven't even been sleeping full nights with Big C this week. I think I got through 1 complete night in the last week in our bed and that's it.

No marital spat, just a overtired husband that is snoring up a storm every night and I cannot sleep thru it. He feels bad, but an entire week away last week and some cold like symptoms are proving to be the perfect snoring combination of fatigue and nasal congestion.

So I've been heading to the spare bedroom for most of my nights. Sleeping pretty well I might add, which leads me to believe that couples should really not ever sleep together, but that is another post someday.

I stayed up a bit later last night. By later, I mean almost 10pm. A night owl household we are not! Big C sawing huge amounts of wood by the time I hit the bedroom so I just headed straight for the spare bed.

All was good till about 2:30 am. Then the screaming started. Our little daughter howled like there was the biggest most horrific monster holding her down, chasing her or whatever.

Dear God, what a rude way to be awoke from your sleep. It's petrifying, the person you most want to protect in your life sounds like they are being tortured in the next room.

Your body and mind can't react fast enough it seems, you just fling yourself in the general direction of their bedroom in hopes that you can stop whatever is causing the blood curdling screams.

I'm sure most, if not all parents have had this happen to them with all of their kids, and this wasn't the first time for Miss K, but it never ceases to scare the shit out of me each and every time

Sometimes I'm convinced she sees something in her room. We've had discussions on whether the house has a ghost but that is only between Big C and myself and again a topic for another post. 

Sometimes I'm not even sure she's awake when she's crying out. Sometimes she's darn near out of her room, in a hurry to escape whatever is after her.

I'm sure overall its way more traumatic for the parents than the kids when they have a nightmare, as usually she doesn't even remember being up in the night.

Last night was a rough one, she was definitely scared of something, took forever to get her calmed down and back to sleep, which means we didn't sleep, which means I might just have a sleep at lunch instead of eating…

The dog always used to scare me when she'd yelp before a seizure, you knew what was imminent with that, and it was frightening in and of itself.

But, to not know what is wrong, to be blissfully asleep and be jerked awake by your baby's howls is not a fun process.

So, I hope her day goes well, I hope we all can get a good nights rest until there are screams in the night once again…

One funny thing to come out of it, I had a dream that we went on some sort of vacation and Big C brought along his special black hi-top runners with purple and rainbow trim…heehee. Please understand that Big C is the exact opposite of black hi-tops with purple trim….hey I thought it was funny…Big C not so much :-)

Til next time….sweet dreams...

Miss K's Conversations

 I find I have some interesting conversations these days. Not at work, not at home with Big C, not with friends or relatives, but with my 3 year old.

Seems funny but its true. A lot of you will know exactly what I'm getting at, others will wonder what the hell I'm doing having "conversations" with a preschooler.

If you were a stay at home parent, I would suspect these conversations are a little more routine, but nonetheless extraordinary. Same with day care providers, teachers etc… who have these dialogues constantly.

I guess it may be that I'm away from Miss K for 8 or 9 hours on weekdays so sometimes there is more shock value to what she says. Not shocking bad, more an OMG where did you come up with that??

Take this morning for example. Big C is out of town for the entire week, so Miss K and i are going it alone. I'm helping her get dressed this morning, as she is a spitting image of her mother and is barely functional for 15 minutes after waking up. The conversation goes something like this

Miss K: You know what mom?

Me: No, what?

Miss K: You know when your underwear gets stuck in your bum?

Me: Yes?

Miss K: You call that a wedgie, because its stuck in there.

Me: Mmm, yes you do.

Miss K: Allison gets them a lot, she says she has a wedgie bum.

Me: She does, does she?

Miss K: Yeah, I don't like wedgies either.

OK then, I guess I won't tell her about thong underwear.

Another one, from recently.

Miss K: You know what Fraser says?

Me: No I don't

Miss K: He says "shet noonies"

Me: He does!? Do you know what a shet noonie is?

Miss K: No, I don't, I should ask him.

Just odd odd stuff that comes out of small children. I've been around kids lots in my life and love all the things they say and come out with. I remember one of my baby sitters kids used to use a four letter expletive for "truck" because he couldn't get out the "tr" sound. The older kids who had caught on, used to ask him lots of questions about large motor vehicles if you get my drift.

It's just downright funny. As I may have mentioned in earlier posts, Miss K, has a really big vocabulary for someone who just turned 3, so its even more of riot to hear her put some big words in a thought. 

I just was listening to a pod cast that said that to have an average vocabulary for a 6 year old, kids will learn about 5 new words a day from the time they start to talk. Cool eh?

I will leave you with this one. Big C is out of town all week as I said, Miss K likes to Skype with daddy morning and night. One of his work colleagues who is also a personal friend of ours was coming to the house so they could travel together to the conference.

Miss K: Can we talk to Dad on the computer?

Me: Yes, when he gets to the hotel we'll talk to him

Miss K: Is Cathy going with Dad?

Me: Yes, they're going to drive together

Miss K: Can we talk to Cathy on the computer too?

Me: I don't think so

Miss K: Why?

Me: Well because Cathy won't be there with Daddy.

Miss K: Why?

Me: They won't be in the same room

Miss K: Why?

Me: Well, Cathy needs her own room

Miss K: Why?

Me: Because she can't  stay with Daddy

Miss K: Why?

Me: Because Daddy snores…(at this point I'm starting to give up on the conversation)

Miss K: But I want to talk to Cathy too

Me: We will see what we can do

Anybody have any good things that their kids have sprung on them?? Any priceless conversations that will live on in your memory?

Til next time…can somebody please tell me what a shet noonie is??

Is the 15 minutes worth it?

Maybe it's the introvert in me coming out, but I don't understand the obsession to either create your own 15 minutes of fame or follow those who are carving out their own place in history. I don't really understand "reality" TV either. 

There are those that are famous by virtue of some talent, some event or even because of who their parents are. I somehow get the fascination with movie stars, sports heros, royalty and the like, you live vicariously through them just a little. 

I've sat down in my day to read People magazine or US Weekly to catch a glimpse into a life I will never know. I kind of understand why people especially here in Canada are obsessed with the British monarchy. The queen is on our money, why shouldn't we be?

It's all the other stuff I don't get. 

Who are the Kardashians and why exactly are they splashed across every tabloid and magazine around the world?

Why do I care if Justin Bieber had 2 chocolate dip donuts and didn't say thank you to the Tim Horton's employee?

Do I really need to know Lady Gaga's current hairstyle?

Does anyone care if Simon Cowell slept with more than just his current girlfriend/wife?

Why do supposed stars have to give their kids stupid names. Do they not think ahead 20 years when that kid is going to enrol in college?

And all those photos? Cellulite, baby bumps, bad fashion choices is this really important to life as we know it?

Yes, I know its an escape for some, seeing/hearing/reading about all these things is relaxing and energizing they say. But I still don't understand the need on one side to draw so much attention to yourself you end up all over social media and the internet. And the sad obsession with others to take joy in other people's misfortune or fame.

Perhaps the media is to blame, hard to avoid all these stories when it's jammed down your throat everyday. To a certain extent the media determines what we see/hear out there and if they get a response to all this crap, that is what they're going to keep feeding us.

I'm guessing that is the reason for all the "reality" tv out there. If anyone really believes that there isn't any scripting in these shows, I've got news for you. Most are about as real as Joan Rivers face.

I don't think I can take much more. 

I will watch Amazing Race as I have a love for travel and like seeing all the places they go. We've been know to watch the odd Gordon Ramsay show as Big C has a unnatural affection for that man. We'll catch Deadliest Catch, or a couple other Discovery Channel/National Geographic channel shows. But they tend towards documentary than "reality" in those cases.

It's all the wedding dress, honey boo boo, tiara wearing modern dad with sister wives and naughty maids that I can do without. Hillbillies with money, millionaires who live in a shack, whatever is out there I'm sure that there is worse stuff than I can even list.

It is not stuff that I would want my kid to watch or anyone else's kids. The number of children who can quote from Dog the Bounty Hunter scares me just a little.

I long for shows where people actually act and writers really write lines for people. 

Maybe its cheaper to set up a camera outside your house or inside it and just record what goes on. Which leads me to Big Brother…another show I've never really understood.

It really really makes me want to just cancel my cable subscription all together. Just forget TV, the tabloids and the internet and go live in the woods. Maybe the squirrels and birds won't know who the Kardashian's are either

Til next time…