The saying is cliché, but sometimes the truth hurts. I had to tell the truth this week and it hurt. It hurt me and it hurt Big C, and that hurts.
We have been house hunting for quite some time now, it's not going well to say the least. We are thinking that perhaps we just don't have the budget for what we're looking for.
Or we have the budget, just that we have to go and live in the middle of butt f%$# nowhere.
There was one house that was sort of fitting the bill, overpriced in my opinion and not exactly what we were looking for but I suppose it would do.
We heard this week that there was an offer put in on it. Big C has been thinking about this place for a while, and he's sorta digging it.
I can see his point, its a pretty good base and we there's potential for making it the way we want. But at the top of our budget and 1000's of dollars in changes/upgrades are we making the right decision?
I see where he's coming from. I can envision what he'd like to do.
I can't see myself living there. I want to in the worst way. I want to share his vision and optimism but I can't.
He asked if we could put a lowball offer in, just to see if we could take a stab at it. Our offer was going to be way off the asking price, I almost agreed with him on the premise that it would never be accepted.
But never say never right? I went on the notion that our offer was accepted, and then what? We sold our house and 3 months from now we were living there.
No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't even go through with that. I wasn't feeling it, I wasn't excited about moving to this place, no matter how remote the chance. I was sick inside about it, guts churning knowing that I'd have to say no.
Big C wants out of where we are for many reasons. Our house is not horrible by any means and suits our needs in many ways. But we've sort of out grown it, or at least need a different arrangement of space. Maybe not more space, but a different allocation of it.
I stalled for a bit, saying I didn't know what to do. But after Miss K went to bed, I had to come out with it. I had to say that I just couldn't move there, that staying where we were was the better option.
Big C was upset. Or disappointed would probably be the better word. I think he thought I was digging this other place the way he was. It had lots going for it, but I wasn't feeling it, some intangible thing I couldn't put my finger on.
Big C asked me again yesterday morning to think about it some more. I guess he hadn't got much sleep. He figured it was a mistake not to at least try to get it.
I stewed about it for most of yesterday. It ate away at me a little more. But honesty won out again. Even if this house was well below our budget, I still don't think I'd want to be living there.
We talked again last night. More truths that hurt, but not being honest with Big C or myself for that matter would damage us even more.
I hated crushing his vision, hated that look of sadness in his eyes. Hurting someone you love so much with nothing more than the truth.
I hope we can move onto something better someday. I hope there is a place out there that suits us and will fit our life. I hope its in line with both our hearts and minds and Miss K's too as she gets older.
I also hope that in the future I don't have to be truthful and cause so much pain in the process.
Til next time…tell the truth, even if it hurts
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