I've spent most of the day near tears. I have no idea how people do it. How do people get through the day when their kids are really really sick? It could be sick at home or sick in the hospital, it doesn't matter, I just don't know how they do it.
Miss K. is fine I might add. She's a picture of health really, some traumatic hang nails and bumps and bruises but otherwise ok.
No, it's my fur kid that's got me all worked up and on an emotional roller coaster these days. Sometimes, I'm hopeful, others the despair and worry overcomes rational thought.
I laid there in bed last night, the fan blowing because we've had a recent warm spell in our parts and the big guy likes to be cool. I'd been awake for an hour, defeating the purpose of going to bed early, panicking because I didn't think I'd be able to hear the dog or the kid if something was wrong.
Irrational worry, I know I can hear them, as the fan is not of 747 caliber, but still, it must be a mom thing? Just the fears associated with having a dog with epilepsy I guess.
We had the mudpuppy on medication for almost a month, she was tolerating it well, some subtle differences, but nothing really noteworthy. Then came Saturday night.
I awoke out of a dead sleep, about 12:30, the dog yelping in her kennel. Crap I thought she must have to pee really bad, we've been having some warm weather as mentioned and we've been getting back into doing some training so she's been drinking a ton. I let her out, she seemed off, but I thought I'd run and have a pee too while she was out.
Then I heard the thunk…she tends to be a bit of a thunder foot, but this was different, she wasn't just coming back up on the deck. I went to the back door and was sure I could hear paddling and heavy breathing. Shit, here we go, I ran back to the bedroom and got big C out of bed.
It was bad, so very very bad. About 15 minutes worth of seizing. My poor fur kid, I know they say they don't feel anything, but lord it seemed forever.
Recovery time was typical. Partial blindness, stumbling, pacing, extreme hunger and thirst. For whatever reason, she responds better to me after an episode. Maybe the tone of my voice, maybe that I've been there for more of her seizures than Big C has, I don't know.
After an hour or so, I typically go back to bed, for some reason that seems to calm her down. Mom's in bed, so I might as well go too I suppose is what she thinks. Though she never strays too far from us after a seizure.
Our vet was perplexed. The meds should have made the seizure shorter, not worse. Were they not working, did she metabolize too much of it and it's effects wore off? Would this be a sign of things to come? Would everything just get worse despite the drugs? Oh, why was this happening, things were supposed to be better.
It wasn't that we figured she'd never have another seizure. We just hoped for less of them and shorter duration. It's one of the most scary things I've ever had to deal with. And I am thankful every single day that it's not Miss K going thru this.
Big C taking this one hard. He's hurting big time and I can't even tell him it will get better, because the reality is that it might not. I'm really struggling this time too, she's still having more good days than bad, but how long before one of these short circuits something vital and we're left with a shadow of the dog we knew. How long before we have to make the decision to give her some rest from all of this? How long do you keep fighting before….
It's awful. In my heart I know its just a dog, it's not my kid or someone close to me. But in so many ways she's not "just a dog". She's the black shadow that follows me everywhere. She's the licky dog that sends my kid into fits of giggles every time she licks her. She's the retriever that is so keyed up on her "natural instinct" she shakes with excitement at even a hint of getting to "fetch" something. She's the 75lb lap dog wannabe, who will practically sit on top of you when you are laying on the floor. She's put paw prints on all of our hearts and its hard to call her "just a dog"
So we soldier on. We've upped her medication, hopefully with some sort of success or progress. We'll appreciate every good day and try to rebound from the bad.
Til next time…hug those close to you, whether your own kids or the fur kids...
No comments:
Post a Comment